Monday, May 29, 2006

My Weekend

Well I sure did have an interesting weekend.

I woke up at 7am friday morning to be at work for 8am.. I worked until 5 and then went straight to TKD where I tought the class and after that I went with Mel, Cole, and Nick to the drive-in theatre. It's was cool, that was my first time ever going there. I must go again... but with who?? (Dun dun dunnn) anyway Mel brought me back to her place to drop me off at my car and we ended up talking until about 4:30 in the morning... thank you by the way that was very calming... and then by the time I got home it was 5am and I had to be up at 6am to be at work for 7am until 3pm...

After work on saturday (and only the 1 hour of sleep) I went home got ready picked up Jen and we were off to Williams Lake by 4pm... about half way to quesnel I was falling asleep driving.. literally I dont remember part of the drive from quesnel but apparently I was talking to Jen for most of it... so she gave me something to help keep me awake... and it's effect was VERY mild by the way, I forbid anyway to be mad a Jen, if she hadn't we wouldn't have made it on time or we would have crashed on the way... anyway it didn't have any effect like caffine.. I just felt awake, not twitchy or sugar highish just plain awake and alert... stopped in quesnel for food and then about half an hour after that I was falling asleep again so I took another wake up pill and I was fine until that night...

Which by the way was at 3am sunday morning.. had an OK time at the awards thing.. kinda got boring after the awards were all handed out and people were all talking with themselves cause Jen and I didn't know anyone.. but yea got to bed at 3am and woke up at 6:30 ish and were back on the road home by 8am... got home at 11:00 and I had to work at 12pm-8pm... that was fun..

I was falling asleep standing up and even walking so Emily handed me some caffine pills and said "I cup of coffee or two?" and I asked for 2 cups.. and took the pills with the cup of coffee I had in my hand lol... about an hour later I was zooming around all over the restaraunt and I was flirting with everyone at work.. especially Bev and Josh.. lol... silly caffine... stupid Phil...

Ended up staying an extra hour and a half waiting for a $150 table to leave.. got $10 from them... not 10% but better than nothing... and came home

I finally got to bed at 11:50 at which point I had only 4-5 hours of sleep spread out over 60 hours...

The lesson I've learned? Loving someone enough to travel to another city just to watch them perfom 1 show and then sortof hang out with them afterwards is really fun when you haven't slept.. and it makes it that much more meaning full for yourself when it's all over.

Time for sleep

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

So mellow

Had an ok day today, the evening rocked my socks. Went to TKD and enjoyed myself there until about 9:30 at which point I asked Mr.Clitch if I could get him to hold the shield so I could get rid of some unwanted emotions that had been building up inside of me for a few weeks now and yea... it was good.. almost knocked him on his ass a couple times with some revers side kicks (Spin backwards and kick with your ass and upper leg muscles, probably one of the strongest kicks in TKD) and then he grabbed some hand pads and I did another half hour of hand techniques until my arms were aching... then we went for a 5km jog/walk thing and then had dinner at denny's.. it was quite nice. but now im tired and sore and sleepy so its off to bed with me.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Song that makes me feel better.

Mudvayne - IMN listen to it if you want i dont really give a shit.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Taking A Step

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... actually it's kind of strange. Before I met Becca I didn't think about the future I didn't think about what I wanted to be or do with my life, or even what kind of person I wanted to be when I got there. Ever since I got to know her she has been an inspiration to me. She's shown me what else there is in this world and how good it can be. They haven't invented the words that can accurately describe how grateful I am and how much I appreciate what she's done for me. Because of her I know what it's like to feel, to desire something with all your heart and long for it until you cry, and then when you finally get it you are so happy that you fall to your knees and thank God that you can be so fortunate.
I feel as if my life is starting to take some kind of direction.

I have for the first time, a goal. You know in school when the teacher hands you a sheet of paper and tells you to write down some goals for yourself, I never did, I always wrote down some bullshit like eat three meals a day, or Make it through school without killing any small animals. For the first time I have something I want to do so much that it's been consuming almost every thought i have.

I want to be an ERT member. E.R.T. Emergency Responce Team. They are a special forces type branch of the RCMP similar to America's S.W.A.T. (Special Weapons and Tactics). I already know the general outline of how to become one. First you have to be an RCMP Officer for a few years and then you can apply.

Today, Tuesday the 23rd of May I'm going to go to the police station and ask for an application. I'm taking a step toward the only goal I've ever had for my life.

I can never truely describe how thankful I am that I was giving the opportunity to become your friend Becca. I know I can never tell you how much I love you now matter how hard I try, because there just isn't enough time in our lives to show you even a fraction of what I feel. All I can say is Thank-you for showing me a better way to live.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Tactical Knife Course levels 1 & 2 COMPLETE

Well I'm done, it's over, I'm half way through the tactical knife course's that Maluco Tactical Training (the company that was teaching us) provides. which means apparently I already have more knife training than the average police officer/public safety person, which is pretty cool. It's all very basic stuff and terribly fun.

Throughout all this fun though I've been kinda worried. My nose has bled 3 times in 2 days for no apparent reason, and This morning before just after I woke up I started to caugh, and I caughed so hard that I felt like I was going to throw up, so I had a drink of water like I normally do when that feeling comes (it comes a couple times a month at least) but it didnt help, I threw up the water and the rest of the absolutely nothing in my stomache, it hurt so bad I was teary. Not Fun.

But yea I had a lot of fun this weekend, staying out till 2am and 3am with people I don't actually know, and waking up at 6:30 to go learn how to use a knife effectively... it was quite the experience. I'd also like to take some time to thank God. I thank him for creating coffee, without it I would have been screwed this weekend, today especially. I was the only one drinking coffee and I had 3 pots all to myself over the two days... it was quite tasty... although I feel like I need to brush my teeth 50 times with ultra-supreme-mega-powerful-extra whitening toothpaste.

Yea I had fun, but I'm exausted so I'm going to go look for a DVD that was rented for my B-Day and hasn't been returned yet... also... Jen, Cole, Dez I think (even though you arent here) you guys still owe me money for my B-Day dinner because I bought you all pizza. and Cole I still have your Debit Card.

Why con't

Why do I do this to myself? I knew I had to be awake at 6:30 this morning, I knew I had to be at the Dojang by 7:45 at the latest, but I still went to the cast party for Closer. The stage manager Nigel invited me. He's someone I met through TKD and I got to know him over the three days that I went to the show. It was fun though, lots of laughing, a little bit of showing off (I couldn't help it, I tryed not to), lots of sitting in the background watching everything happen around me. I've realized I dont have much in common with theatre people, infact I have almost nothing in common with them. Friday night I went to the BX pub with them after the show and the two that I was sitting near were talking to be about books and movies and stuff like that and I had no clue what they were talking about, I felt so dumb, but I dont really mind because if anyone tryed to rob myself or one of the people that I love or if someone tryed to force those I love to do something they don't want to... I can defend myself and them. I can protect them with as much force as I feel is nessesary, and I wouldn't hesitate to do so either. God damn it's so hard hanging out with people you don't have anything in common with they tell so many jokes and everyone laughs but you dont know why but you laugh a bit anyway.... bleh I need to stop talking, I have to go, day two of the Knife Course starts today and it's "live blade cutting" day, we get to test our knives through different materials, like shoes, wood, leather, and yea it's going to be interesting. So sleepy


Why do I do this to myself? I'll explain later. too tired now.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Watched Closer last night and man I forgot how brutal that play/movie was. Makes me glad that I couldn't cheat on anyone. I'd much rather break up with the person than do that kind of thing to them. Anyway, foot is feeling better now. I can walk on it just fine. I think climbing up and down ladders all day at work (we do air conditioning... 30 foot ladders onto roofs. doesnt seem so bad until you realize that the middle of the ladder is moving almost 2 feet every time you take a step up or down......) really helped to work the soreness out of my tendons/bones

Tactical Knife course starts on saturday, im excited. it's going to be so much fun, I'm going to learn so much. This is the most excited I've been in such a long time. It's so nice to feel something other than sore, sick, lonely (damn you Ryan why must you be in Kemes you fucker), or exausted.

Also since I have this new job I've had the most sun I've ever had in such a long time. I swear I've already been in the sun more in the last week than I was all last Summer put together. I'm starting to get a REAL TAN! OMFG! now if only it wasnt a farmers tan.... oh well it's better than nothing.

TACTICAL KNIFE ON SATURDAY WOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!! OMFG! IM GOING TO CREAM MYSELF!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck off and die you fucked up slag. (sorry no point in that, it's just such a fun line from Closer to say)

God that play is hard to watch, lol good thing I only have 2 more shows to watch, and then maybe the one in Williams Lake if anyone wants to come. (Literally anyone, I dont want to go alone, except Celine Dion, fuck her imo. What? No one is on the telephone? thats sad, join the fucking club bitch, Awwww You're all by youself.... good at least then you wont waste anyone's time.)

Wow random anger... well since I'm not renewing my WoW account and it has expired i guess I should go do something constructive with my time.... but twhat?

Fuck you.

Sunday, May 14, 2006


Why is that when 1 thing happens several more come with it. Not only did I hurt my foot, but I am now sick with what im assuming is what becca had. My head is so stuffy, im caughing a lot, it feels like there is stuff in my lungs, im limping, im covered in vicks, I JUST RUBBED MY NOSE OW ITS STINGS STUPID FUCKING VICKS, im tired, im grumpy, i miss my wookie. arg, it's 12:34 Nadine and I just finished watching season 7 of Stargate SG-1. it's so cool. im quite glad she got me season 8 for my birthday. because we are now watching every season.... BACKWARDS! yeay. aanyway im really grumpy my nose is so itchy and hurting but the more i rub it the move vicks hands i expose it too... BLAST!!! my eyes are watering... waaaahhhh i miss my wookie, im laughing cause im so pathetic omg. Big TKD man brought to his knees by a cold. im going to bed. where is ken?

Thursday, May 11, 2006


I hate being hurt. I still cant put full weight on my foot. I've had a caugh all day and my lungs are starting to hurt. We've got no good food in my house. And I'm bored out of my mind. Bleh. I cant even drive to go get McDonald's like I want to.... ARG GOING CRAZY.

Saturday, May 06, 2006


The tournement went really well today, I'm happy with the results (ish).

I competed in two event's, Patterns and Sparring.

Patterns. I did Kwang-Gae really well. theres about six moves in the pattern that are done in slow motion, that includes forcing your foot to slide across the ground in slow motion, this is very hard on a rubber/foam mat in bare feet. but it went REALLY well. Then the judges pick a random pattern from a bag and we perform that pattern. They picked Hwa-Rang. it's the pattern you learn at red belt to test for black stripe. Again I was doing very well. I KNOW I was better than my opponent, but... here comes the embarassing part. I forgot the second half of the pattern. I'm not too stressed about it though. I learned Kwang-Gae in two weeks, and ive only been back at TKD for about 3-4 months now? I wasnt expecting much from patterns but it just sucks because I know I was better than the other guy.

Sparring. Sparring was special... I need to explain something about Blackbelt competition. Black belt rank doesnt matter. a 3rd dan and a 4th dan will spar eachother in competition, so will a 1st dan and a 4th dan, it makes no difference. now this makes it harder for the 1st dan because the 4th has a lot more experience.

My sparring went well consittering. One of the competetors decided not to show up until the entire competition was almost half finished. so my devision (Men's 18-35 Light weight) was merged with the Men's 18-35 heavy weight. so that meant that I would be sparring a 3rd dan and a 4th dan (both of which are on the Canadian National Team for the West Coast i think). These guys were good. Easily out scoring their first 2 opponents each. then it was my turn to spar and just by the way the matches worked out I had to spar this little asian 4th dan black belt. First thing he did when the match started was knock the wind out of me. then I was mad. we traded some good hits and I held my ground well maintaining the centre of the ring for most of the match but in the end I lost by 1-2 points. the 4th dan went on to get 2nd place and I got a bronze medal at my first tourney in over 6 years.

so yea patterns sucked I was so pissed off at myself. So I took it out on the guy in sparring but it wasn't quite enough. Oh also Somehow I dont remember how my foot got injured and I can barely walk on it. Dont know how that happened but I do know that the adrenaline in my body didnt let me feel it until about 20 minutes after the matches. and now it hurts like a son of a bitch just sitting there and not moving.

but yea I'm dissapointed in myself I know I could have done better but seeing as this was my first tourney I think I did well. Now its time to decide if I want to go to montreal for the canadian championships. We'll see.

5.5 hours

5.5 hours until I have to get up and get ready for tomorrow. I'm so screwed. I've been sick all day. Super thirsty, and just know my stomache started churning. I have the random cut on the bottom of my toe it's right on the knuckle part under the joint, so every time I step the cut compresses and releases when I take pressure off of it. it's so annoying.

Going to bed now, I should sleep good I'm exausted. I'm going to have nervous shakes until after the medal's are handed out and the first match I'm judging is done. AHHH night.

By the way, Becca, I'm going to win a medal for you, so you can be proud of me, and so I can prove to myself that I am worth something. I love you.

Thursday, May 04, 2006


day left until Competion time. I'm so nervous. I wish those I care about the most could be there but they both have work. (Becca is working and I think my Mother is too so... I guess that means i'll just have to bring some gold medals to show them)

My pattern is coming along nicely.

This is generally what it looks like. His movements are WAY too fast (the first move, after the hands seperate, should take a count of 4 to reach the bottom, he does it in 2ish, same with the upset punches and the palm rising block, but you dont know what those are. :P)

Anyway thats what it will look like but mine will be much better.

Sparring is going to go ok I guess. I need to be more agressive and wear my "angry face" q1 more so that my opponent knows that he is in MY house when he steps into the ring. but anyway i just got my hair cut and my back is itching like mad so its shower then bed time. though no one wants to think of me in the shower. its just too....... ....... yea I got nothing, but I do know it's not good. lol

Si Jak (Begin)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Brad Paisley - She's everything

She’s a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She’s looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She’s “I want a piece of chocolate”
“Take me to a movie”
She’s “I can’t find a thing to wear”
Now and then she’s moody
She’s a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a blowin'
She’s a soft place to land
And a good feeling knowing
She’s a warm conversation that I wouldn’t miss for nothing
She’s a fighter when she’s mad and a lover when she’s loving

She’s everything that I ever wanted
And everything I need
When I talk about her I go on and on and on
Cause she is everything to me

She’s a Saturday out on the town
Church girl on Sunday
A cross around her neck and a cuss word cause it’s Monday
She’s a bubble bath and candle baby come and kiss me
She’s a one glass of wine and she’s feelin kinda tipsy
She’s the giver I wish I could be and the stealer of the covers
She’s the picture in my wallet
She’s the hand that I'm holdin when I’m on my knees and prayin
She’s the answer to my prayers
She’s the song that I’m playin and

She’s everything that I ever wanted
And everything I need
When I talk about her I go on and on and on
Cause she is everything to me

She’s the voice I love to hear
Someday when I’m 90
She's that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes I only love her more
Yea she’s the one that id lay down my own life for

She’s everything that I ever wanted
And everything I need
When I talk about her I go on and on and on
Cause she is everything to me

Yea I know. It IS Country but its still really good

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Song that Is Stuck In My Head

There's a lit cigarette in the hand of my new angel
she's blowing smoke like halos, and now everybody wants her
but I shouldn't even bother
because you made me so complete dear, but you left me so alone here
hang a noose for my new sinner somewhere everyone can see it

won't you beg me and then tell me how to love you
like anybody else would
I know you're risking failure (risking failure)
go run for cover (for how long)
you better start to love her so much you're moving on and on

now there's a whole wide world...that wants to know
have cheap hotels lost their turn-on? she's bathing in the neon
and she's polluting all the airways while I'm passed out in the hallway
and you left me so in love here, you left with so much hate dear
was I creating only chaos this world lives just fine without us won't you?

beg me and then tell me how to love you
like anybody else would
I know you're risking failure (risking failure)
go run for cover (for how long)
you better start love her so much you're moving on and on

will it change your life if I change my mind?
when she's lit the whole wide world I want to know if you will
beg me and then tell me how to love you like anybody else would I know you're risking failure, (risking failure) but I'd hope you set your levels (for how long)
so you can run for cover
you better start to love her
now are we this pathetic? you made me finally see it
(will it change your life when I change my mind, will it change your mind when I change my life)

go run for cover
you better start to love her so much you're moving on
I'm so pathetic, you made me finally see it
got what you want? I'm gone

for how long? for how long? for how long will it change your life?

Such a sweet song. You really have to Listen to it though.

Evan's Blue - Beg