Mudvayne - Fall into Sleep

Dreams of earthquakes
Dreams of hurricanes
Dreams of pouring rain
Dreams of tidal waves...to wash us all away
Dreams of guns blazed
Dreams of fire rage
Dreams of swollen graves
Dreams of hollow pain
All gone

No more fallen
No more enemy
No more casuality
No more dream

Fall into sleep
Fall into me
I have a dream
But nobody cares
Nobody wants to listen

Fall into sleep
Fall into me
Hang on to a dream that nobody wants
Nobody cares anymore

Dreams of mourning grief
Dreams of disbelief
Dreams of tragedy
Dreams of our disease...to take us all away
Dreams of fidelity
Dreams of inner peace
Dreams of loyalty
Dreams of unity
All gone
All gone

Fall into sleep
Fall into me
I have a dream
But nobody cares
Nobody wants to listen

Fall into sleep
Fall into me
Hang on to a dream that nobody wants
Nobody cares anymore

The angels are injured
Fall with broken burning wings
Are we dead inside
Are we blind
We can't keep moving forward
Backwards with closed eyes
We're losing sight
All lost inside

No more fallen
No more enemy

Fall into sleep
Fall into me
I have a dream
But nobody cares
Nobody wants to listen

Fall into sleep
Fall into me
Hang on to a dream that nobody wants
Nobody cares
Nobody wants
Nobody cares anymore

All gone
All gone
All gone
All gone


So I've been feeling very restless lately and very worried about well everything thats going on in my life right now. It feels like I have no motivation, no direction, and no will to continue. Why, one might ask? Well I think it's because my inspiration, to go somewhere and be something, is no longer there. It feels like im just floating again, its like I have no desire to live anymore. I hate this feeling.

I'm so lost and alone right now, and the only thing that makes me feel better is by shutting off all emotion and drowning myself in video games. I'm going to back to the way I was before. Back to the way I was when my own Fathers Death to Lung Cancer didn't bother me. The only time I cryed or missed him was when other people were there, and then I think it was more for show so they'd leave me alone.

What kind of a person doesn't care when their father dies. I can remember walking down the hall to his room at 3:00am and being told that he was dead. I felt a rush of cold and then nothing, abso-fuckin-lutely nothing. (Great word by the way, abso-fuckin-lutely, throwing a fuckin into random words is fun.)

But anyway, I don't know why I'm saying this here I never let people see what I'm actually thinking, cept for one person, and now I can't even do that. I'm so lost.

Oh, and I was sick for 3 days at the beginning of this week, so on top of bein stressed about my life, I'm now alost fucked in school. I have a midterm in math tomorrow and I'm 2 days of notes and like 4 sections of homework behind. plus I have a $40.00 bet riding on this exam. Hope I make enough tips on the weekend to cover gas and Loosing a bet.

But yea I'm off to go do math homework and try to study for this midterm. Sorry about the rant I don't have anywhere else to put it.



By the way Becca if you read this I wanna one of the LEET with a Link to my blog on your blog. :P

Mudvayne - Forget to Remember

What have I done?
Where have I come from?
When I burnt the backs with the sun through a glass did I seal
the loss that's become me?

Feeling undone
What have I become?
When I turned my back on you I turned my back on myself and
became this machine

Thoughtlessness
Selfishness
Hopelessness
Arrogant

I feel it on the inside
Twisting and contorting
Memory has shaped me once again

Still feel you on the inside
Biting through and stinging
Will I ever forget to remember?

Shadows in the sun
Filter through us
Still wrestle the demons that arrested me as a child
Confession rejected
We grow up
To give up
People step on the cracks for wounds owed paid back
Through the words of surrender

Emptiness
Loneliness
Listlessness
Worthless

I feel it on the inside
Twisting and contorting
Memory has shaped me once again
Still feel you on the inside
Biting through and stinging
Will I ever forget to remember?

Can you save me?
From myself
From these memories
Can you save me?
From myself
From these memories

Surrender
To the shadows
Haunting inside
Bleed through you
Surrender to the secretes...inside
Lies within you

I feel it on the inside
Twisting and contorting
Memory has shaped me once again
Still feel you on the inside
Biting through and stinging
Will I ever forget to remember?

Can't feel you on the inside
Set down the bag and left it
Lost memory has left me
One again
Open up the inside
Admission for the cleansing
Now that I've forgotten to remember

Surrender
To the shadows
Haunting inside
Bleed through you

Why... why why why whywhywhwywhy WHYUHHH!!!

Stupid cereal... So this morning I was feeling better right? WRONG! I had some cereal and got about 3 bites into it before i realized the milk had gone bad, vomit number 1, then i had to put the rest of my cereal away.. in the compost.. vomit number 2.. it is currently 2:00pm (i woke up at 11:00am) please please please let this be the last. im going to cry very very soon if its not.

My belly hurts

"Ok God what am I supposed to learn from this?"

"Don't eat the nuggets"

"Wasn't there an easier way of telling me that?"

"..........Probably"



For the past 24 hours I've been at home... sick... a lot, and all over the place. Yesterday after work Becca and I went to walmart to pick up some supplies, a picture frame for her, a box of cookies for me, and after I grabbed the cookies she suddenly needed a box of worms too, (the candy kind). Well after wrestling control of those valued supplies from the hands of the evil wal-mart staff we decided it was time to take a break and have some MacDonalds (tm) for pre-dinner. (thats what i call dinner before you're supposed to have dinner).

The Double BigMac (tm) was very tasty as was the SuperSized Fries (tm, i think?) but the Chicken Nuggets went down wrong. I think all that Chicken By-Product was angry with me because I could leterally feel the ground chicken talons.... do the chickens have large talons?.... and the ground chicken beaks reforming in my belly and begin to tear at my insides.

Shortly afterward the vomit began. and now almost 28 hours later it has almost stopped. I can hold down the vomit all the time now, but it sure does want to find its sweet release and escape to freedom via the toilete.

My belly hurts. I hate doing my abb workouts like this. Brb gotta puke....

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!! I LOVE ICHIGO!!!!!!!!

I just watched Bleach episode 54..... HOLY MOTHER FUCKER I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!! If you havent ever watched an anime before and are thinking of starting. Watch bleach. by the time you finish the first episode you'll love it.

Episode 54, Ichigo Finally shows up to save Rukia and OH MY FUCKING GOD he is so ubarleet. He PWNS!!! 4 vice captians without even touching his Zanpaktou (it's sort of a living katana). And then when Kuchiki Byakuka (a captain) comes at Ichigo to kill him He effortlessly Blocks and thats the end of the show.

I'm so excited I literally ran around my house yelling OH MY GOD I LOVE BLEEEEEAAAACCCCHHHH!!!!!.

If I could be anyone I wanted to be.... I'd be Ichigo.


Yes, I realize I'm a huge dork, but.. fuck you all (ha ha but fuck...) Ichigo is the coolest person in the world.

Boy, I'll tell ya what.

Iee doooon't waaannaaa update my bloooogggguuuhhh.

So It's been a few days since I last posted. And it has been brought to my attention that I need to post more often. Well what happens if I DONT WANT TO!?! hmm? does that ruin your perfect little world that is full of new posts by all your friends!?! Hmm? Does it!? YOU EVEN TOLD ME THAT YOU CHECK THE BLOGS TOO MUCH!!!! We'll I'm sooorry but I will not continue this vicious cycle of posting and reading and commenting, I wont. It's from the devil and as such it burns with a fire that can never consume enough SOULS! AND!!!!! What happens if I DONT WANT TO!?! hmm? does that ruin your perfect little world that is full of new posts by all your friends!?! Hmm? Does it!? YOU EVEN TOLD ME THAT YOU CHECK THE BLOGS TOO MUCH!!!! We'll I'm sooorry but I will not continue this vicious cycle of posting and reading and commenting, I wont. It's from the devil and as such it burns with a fire that can never consume enough SOULS!

so yea. I'm not actually mad in any way shape or form (except maybe in the head); I just like to see captital letters and exclimation points.


Yeay for Zoolander

Public Nudity Should Be Legal

I hate clothes. Clothes suck. If I had the choice I'd run around all day every day NAKED! That's right, buck fucking naked. My reasons you ask? Well it's simple.

Washing clothes sucks.

yup. That's my only reason for myself walking around naked. I do not like washing clothes. It's so annoying and time consuming. If, perhaps, one forgets to move the clothes from the washing machine to the drying machine once they are finished washing, after a certain period one finds themselves without clothes that smell clean. Infect these "newly washed clothes" smell like mould, and mould does not in any way smell good.

Thus one would conclude that not wearing clothes (though not the best possible answer, since it is but one of many) is a way to fix the moldy clean clothes dilemma.

But since public nudity is outlawed, *sniff sniff*, I find myself with a Delano. I can either rewash my clean clothes or I can dry them anyway and wear mould smelling clean clothes. Obviously being that I enjoy smelling clean, I find myself rewashing my clean clothes. Which also leads to another problem.

My work uniform was in this batch of "clean clothes" that I had to rewash, and since I do not have enough time between the end of the rewash cycle and the end of the drying cycle before I must leave for work, I must wear partially dry clothes to work.

I'm going to chafe so bad.

*grimaces and heads for the rewashed clean laundry that isn't completely dry yet but I must wear anyway otherwise I'd be late for a job I don't really like in the first place*

Restless

Jump, bounce, down, up

I went out on a date

With a girl, a bit late

She had so many friends

Gliding through many hands

I brought my pogo stick

Just to show her a trick

She had so many friends

Gliding through many hands

Jump pogo.....bounce pogo

Down pogo......up pogo

Unannounced twister games

All players with no names

They lined up double quick

But just one pogo stick

Everyone gets to play

Runaway expose

It was so exotic

But just one pogo stick

Jump pogo.....bounce pogo

Down pogo......up pogo

Oh I like to spread you out

Touching whoever's behind

Jump pogo.....bounce pogo

Down pogo......up pogo

Grrrrr. Why can't life be simple. Work sucked yet again today, and I have officially wasted an entire long weekend, didn't do homework, didn't make any money at work, didn't do anything I wanted to really, and I'm still not feeling any better than I was during my last post. Sigh. I wish life would just stop. That would make things much more simple.

On the Up Side, Ryan and I have gotten into ACT2 on our game. It's fun. It's called Baldur's Gate 2: Dark Alliance. It's cool cause its like a normal RPG that you'd play on a PC or PS2 butthere'ss 2 players. Only thing is it's twice as hard with 2 ppl. Still sweet though.

But yea, IM SO BORED I think I'm going crazy with nothing but homework to do, and I don't even do my homework.

Why wont life stop, or at the very least slow down. So much time is passing and it's like I'm just watching from the side as life passes me by.

So I had a wank and went home. Oh well, better luck next year I guess.

"And the answer is.... 42"

Ok. it's official I hate my job. worst 3 days EVER. plus im so confused about life in general... my brain is so tired of thinking and yet it wont stop. and blah blah my life sucks right now. might explain. probably wont. *cries all alone in a corner*

Sometimes at night.... I sleep.

So last night was one of the worst nights for dreaming.

It started out when I was falling asleep. You know those dreams where you're walking and then you trip and fall and jolt awake.... yea I had one of those kinda of dreams but it was a bit different.
I was driving in my car in the right hand lane, and Becca was driving in the left hand lane. We were both going the same direction and we were looking at eachother and sticking our tungs out and flippin eachother the bird.. you now the usual greeting for friends who meet while driving...
well i was about to finger her again when *BAM!* she gets hit head on from a fully loaded logging truck. and that was when I jolted awake.
Anyone who knows me knows I really care about Becca, and I worry about something like this happening all the time. Well when I woke up I could hear my cell phone vibrating on the roof above me (I sleep in the basement so the roof is also the floor), and I got this sick feeling in my stomache that the phone was ringing because Becca had been in a car accident and Becca's mom was calling me to tell me what had happened.
Thankfully the phone wasnt Becca's mom, it was stupid Trev from school. (I hate you. btw you might as well give me the $20.00 right now cause theres no way you're getting more than me on the next mid term :P)

anyway I text messaged Becca and she replyed so I was able to fall back asleep.

The rest of the night I was dreaming about Bandits and Fighting and there was one part where there was 2 people trying to rob me or something and I was fighting both of them, the only problem was that it felt like my arms were being restrained so i couldnt punch as hard as i wanted to... but I used my MIND FORCE and overcame the restraint and i hit the guy straight in the mouth.. but then I woke up because I realized that in my sleep I had punched the Top of my bed and the restraints were actually my blankets.

And shortly after that I realized that I was going to miss my English class since my alarm didn't go off on time, stupid useless english class waste of stupid $200.00.

Needless to say, I'm not sleeping tonight. Stupid dreams. *hunts down the java*

I'm sorry

that last one went on way too long. im like so tottaly sorry!

Oh-m-god like, I so tottaly love school!

Like wow, Yesterday I like went to college 'cause like, I don't want to be working in like a restaurnt for ever 'cause I've like seen those people and like they're all so wrinkily by like 40 years old and they are like sooo... bitter too, like take a chill pill. but like anyway, ummm, where was I? Oh yea! Like Oh-m-god, school yesterday was like so boring 'cause like all we did was go to the library and like play on the computers, and like I can just get my super dorky, and male, other personality to like do it for me at home, but like seriously, oh-m-god it was boring, almost boring like trying to watch like your friends play video games that are like so supid, like this one time my friends were playing something like angel2 or halo2 or something like that and like they were having so much fun but like i couldn't see how it possible could be cause like there were no like barbies, or like makup, or like talking about boys. I could so have had my manicure and facial that day but like I decided to go spend time with my friends like how stupid am I TeeHee.
So anyway like school, oh-m-god English class is so boring like thats what we did, we went to the library and like looked on the internet for like journals and like interesting stuff on topic we chose but i was like so tottaly bored I started to file my nails cause like i hadn't done it in like a day and they were like getting so tottally gros. so anyway like I decided to leave class early and I felt like such a rebel without a cause you know? It was like was so cool. So like afterwards I went to the mall and like went to that place you know that gives the massages and since I like had such a hard day already I like decided to like treat myself because I like deserved it so I got a massage and like it was so good that I like decided to like give the guy my phone number, and like try to get massages every day like, I'm so smart but like now its time to go get ready for like school, hopefully today will like be interesting. You know I was just thinking... hey don't laugh at me... I can think too... like anyway now that the rude people are gone, like i was just thinking that maybe im like too smart for school like they should just give me my degree right now cause like i know it all already, I read cosmo. thats good enough but like anyway I've got to go so i'll like post again later K? Kay! ByeBye XOXOXOXOXOXO


I'm in a strange mood.

First Post Ever

Yea... so all my friends seem to have a blog, and i held out as long as I possibly could, but alas, I suck at holding out.

So.. I have joined the blog bandwagon. If only I knew what i wanted to write, oh well I suppose I'll figure that out as I go. But where am I going? Wait.... who AM I? Wait.... whats a WHO?.... Wait HOW DO I KNOW ENGLISH AHHH SO CONFUSED!??!?! *runs away*