Life

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Why does it feel like my life is falling appart.

I dont sleep anymore, evne when im exausted and crash I only sleep for maybe an hour and a half. Everyone I know is mad at me for some reason. I constantly feel like a failure at everything I do or have done. I dont go to TKD anymore cause i feel like I dont know anything and I'm not very good.

I just dont understand wny everything is going so wrong. Becca is leaving in 18 days and I can't seem to keep it together long enough to see her.

Ryan was helping me with my shed roof, we had to tear it appart and rebuild it because it was rotten. we got into an argument and I ended up leaving the shed roof walking to my car and driving away for an hour, coming home and 10 minutes later leaving again and went to work. that was friday and yesterday was the first day ive talked to him

I dont see any of my other friends, who for some reason (Its not you guys.. trust me) I feel arent really my friends, they're becca's and just tolerate me. the only person who calls me ehough to talk to me is Dez and she's over in ottawa and is probably mad at me too because I dont call her back most of the time.

I just dont understand whats happening. I'm so angry at everything and nothing. I'm so frustrated I'm ready to take my guns out into the bush and just shoot something until I feel better. (dont worry becca I was thinking of shooting a board with a target in the middle. Nothing living... plus shooting living things is illegal till fall)

ARGHGHASD:LAKSJF:LKJ. I'm sorry if I've pissed you off because im a fuck up right now. I'm sorry if ive Ignored some of you (Cole, Jen) I just dont want to see anyone. and at the same time I'm pissed off cause I never see anyone.

What is going on. God I wish I could just go to Depot and actually start my life.

Becca got me an AMAZING book, "Mountie Makers" by Robert Gordon Teather. As the back of the book sais "Bob Teather was a renowned expert in underwater forensics and recovery techniques and a winner of the Canadian Cross of Valour and the RCMP's highest award, the Commissioner's Commendation for Bravery.

anyway the book is about his some of his stories from his training at Depot, and it just made me ache to go there myself.

I love the end lines "For six months of my life, I had been spit upon, shouted at, beaten, starved, and humiliated. Boy, those were the good 'ol days."


anyway im going to go find something to occupy my time. while I wait to leave this place.

2 Comments:

  • Dude... what you need is a big old vitamins sleep. It's ture sleep will do you some good. Even though you think we or you have turn your back to your friends. It so not ture dude man that's just the ups and downs of life sometimes you're flush, and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on. NAd if you ever feel like there is no place to turn you still got me and a whole wack of friends at your aid.

    By Blogger Cole, at Wed Aug 16, 09:46:00 p.m.  

  • when ever your life is in the toilet think of yourself as a floater...... that way you know you won't be flushed. and can float back to the top eventually

    By Blogger safromhell, at Wed Aug 16, 11:44:00 p.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home