Life

The End?

2007-02-25T07:22:00.000-08:00

Ok... here is some news... I seriously HATE Blogger.. I've come to realize... yep... HATE! I really dont like how it works.. soo... I'm going to blog somewhere else... at my live space... everyone who reads this.. It's only like, Becca, Dez, and Jen anyway... you're all on my MSN list so I'll be posting on my live space... it's a work in progress, when I get time at home and I feel like playing with it more I will so yea... just right click my name and click View, then click Space.

End of Blogger Blogging...

Really Good Song

2007-02-23T16:58:00.000-08:00

Oliver James - The Greatest Story Ever Told

Thank you for this moment
I've gotta say how beautiful you are
Of all the hopes and dreams I could have prayed for
Here you are
If I could have one dance forever
I would take you by the hand
Tonight it's you and I together
I'm so glad I'm your man
And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
tonight
I don't hear the music
When I'm looking in your eyes
But I feel the rhythm of your body
Close to mine
It's the way we touch, it soothes me
It's the way we'll always be
your kiss your pretty smile
you know I'd die for
oh baby
you're all I need
And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
just how much i really need you
did I tell you that I love you
tonight
tonight
And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
just how much I really need you
did I tell you that I love you tonight

Yep, I'm happy. Not in love, but happy

For Becca

2007-02-15T13:46:00.001-08:00

The Song I left of your voicemail

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKrvCVAD2xA

Deffered! SP?

2007-02-14T15:23:00.000-08:00

I know I'll check now... Defered.... I'm pretty sure that the yellow highlight means it's wrong but I sure dont know how to fix it...

So yea... I've been Deffered for my RCMP Application.

My Polygraph went well... again I can't actually talk about it other than in general terms and non specific examples... but it was fun. It started at about 9:00 am (two saturdays ago... I've been busy.. so sue me :P) and it took the better part of 4 hours...

We went over some stuff I had to do for my application package in great detail and it turns out there was a bunch of stuff I didnt even realize I should have mentioned when I went through it the first time but thats ok because that was what this part of the activities for the day were for.

By the time we were done that it was 3 and a half HOURS later... chyeah.. lots of fun was had during those 3.5 hours... anyway then he hooked me up to the machine... (this I can tell you about) It was cool. there were two springy things that went around my chest to measure my breathing patterns, then there was a blood pressure thing like at the Doctors office to measure heart rate and blood pressure, though it wasnt pumped up as much as the Doctors is. and then there were these two metal plates that got strapped to a couple of my fingers to measure skin moisture... and then came the questions. there were only like 15....

Once that was all done he left to study the graphs (the test itself took about 15 minutes, we went through all questions 3 times in different orders) and he printed like 20 pages of charts heh... anyway when he came back he had kind of a serious look on his face... which I thought was wierd because I didnt lie at all... theres no way I could have fooled the machine lol the first thing we did to calibrate the machine told me that...

Anyway he came back in with the serious look, sat down and was like... "is there anything else you want to add?"
and I said no because I hadn't lied at all..
"Are you sure? No Serious Undetected Crimes in the past you want to talk about?"
I almost burst out laughing... Serious Crimes?? WTF!?!
but in the end we figured it was just something I was concerned about with one of the questions that made the machine see a reaction.

It doesnt detect Lies by the way, it detects your reaction to a specific question. Oddly enough when a person Lies the "Fight or Flight" reflex is activated... hence the reaction that happens in the body when a person lies.

but yea it took about a week for the recruiter here in town to go over my file and make a decision on weather or not to proceed with the process....

"You would be a great Officer, you havent done drugs, you didnt lie on the polygraph, you got through all the other tests very well... the PARE could use some work... you cant be throwing up once you're in Depot... the only thing holding you back is your past work habits and ethic." (loosely quoted)

Damn you Denny's and whatever the fuck happened with Byers, which im still confused about! Damn YOU!

The recruiter lady in town here said she'd still see if Vancouver would like to go ahead with the Field Investigation (Background check) and THEN make a decision based on what employers have to say, but she said not to expect it to happen... so now in about 6 months to a year from now I'll be writing Vancouver recruiting a letter requesting to be reinserted into the application process.... which means I'd have to do another polygraph and then the Field... and I'd get to skip all the other stuff like the interview and the Pre-App Exam. since I've already made it through those.

But yea, so I'm in PG for another year and a bit probably... which is fine by me. I get to make money and maybe even have a Social Life... I was kinda closing off since I was expecting to be leaving.

But now it's time to go beat on my punching bag for a while... get a bit of exercise in and wake up...

Oh yea I'm now server at denny's full time next week... so much for getting hired as an S/A... I havent worked a single S/A shift yet. you lie Candice YOU LIE!

omfg WTF

2007-02-13T01:16:00.000-08:00

Rofl.... I love this first Vid.... so funny... anyone who's been to mara will understand.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT22n6x7J0g&mode=related&search

I Agree Completely

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6CwgQB6aYo

Spaced for Easy Reading!

2007-02-11T16:47:00.000-08:00

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt. Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east. Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is? Obesity.
They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru. I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker.
There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.

I walked behind this guy the other day. A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume ain't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.

?

2007-01-28T14:56:00.000-08:00

What a day yesterday! Maybe i'll tell you about it. But probably not. (6 days left)

One left!

2007-01-26T15:56:00.000-08:00

Just got a phone call from the Polygraph examiner in PG here... my Polygraph test is scheduled for Feb 3rd at 9:00am. That is in 8 days from the time of this post.

Once that is done all I have left to do is wait. Though i'll probably do another PARE test before I go, I'm not happy with my previous time, and this time I'll actually do some training and get into shape. So happy, almost done.

"You're exactly the kind of person the RCMP needs."

2007-01-26T02:02:00.000-08:00

ROFLCAKESOMGWTFBBQSAUCEONHOTDOGS!?!?!

Yep, thats what the RCMP Interviewer said to me after I passed the most stressful interview of my life. I'm not actually allowed to talk about what happened in the interview other than to say that it was a behavorial style interview, apparently very accurate (when the applicant tells the truth) in determining the personality and morals of said applicant. Quite fun.

It started at 9:00am on Tuesday and I woke up extra early (8:00am) so I could make it there on time. needless to say, on my car clock i was 2 whole minutes early, but on my watch I was 5 minutes late. Right smack on time consittering I was aiming to be there at 8:50 ^^

Interview started pretty much right away.... 3-4 hours later I was done and walking out of that building with a smile on my face and the knowledge that I'm only 2 steps away, and both steps from here are a piece of cake.

Step 1, tell the truth on the polygraph.... Easy, even though some questions are quite personal and embarassing...

Step 2, Wait 3 months to 1 year for the Field Investigation to be concluded (A.K.A. background check).

So... dont lie and waiting is all I have left to do before I go to spend the rest of my life doing what I've dreamed of doing for quite some time now. Protecting peoples. (Yes eating at Tim's everyday IS protecting people... those doughnuts I eat will never make it into the body's of society's youth, thereby protecting future generations from obesity and diabetes.)

I'm such a nice guy. Infact I'm so nice that I may even have more than one doughnut while I'm there.

Hmm

2007-01-19T01:37:00.000-08:00

Took one of those random quiz things... this sure does sound like me.

The Werewolf:

The Werewolf is the symbol for Spiritual Paths. You have the soul of a wolf inside you, which makes you warm and caring to those you love.

Strengths: Protection is a number one priority, and therefore you always gaurd the ones you love and keep tight bonds with your pack mates. Loyalty is strong within yourself, and you also expect it from the ones who are close to you.

Flip Side: Even though you care for those you love deeply, if they betray you, anger races through your veins. The Werewolf, despite it's warm fun-loving personality, can also stand up for itself if need be. You would have no problem hiding your anger if something sets you off balance.

Burning Heart, Lost in Thought

2007-01-07T16:02:00.000-08:00

"The greatness of one's sorrow when parting, is the evidence of one's love... so if one fears sorrow one wouldn't be able to love anything." - Unknown (to me)

I've just finished watching an anime called "Ah, My Goddess". Honestly, my intentions when downloading this anime were less than honorable, though I continued to watch for a completely different reason. Something awoke in me that I thought I had locked up, again.

It, is a love story. A young man, a very unlucky young man is at his dorm alone when he tries to call his senpai's to check in and accidentally connects with heavens Goddess Assistance Agency and he meets a very beautiful Goddess. She comes to earth to grant this very unlucky boy a wish. Anything he could possibly ask for, Riches, Women, Sucess, even the destruction and domination of the earth. but he only had one wish.

He wishes for her to stay with him forever, and heaven grants his wish. They are bound together unable to be seperated, and if they try the "Unstopable Force" the power which binds them intervenes and makes it impossible for the to be appart. its usually minor things like getting kicked out of his dorm because no women are allowed in that building and having to find a place for the both of them to live together.

At first she does it because of the contract, but she very quickly falls in love, and even though he doesnt realize it right away, he does too. Many things happen to them over the course of the series and in the end the contract is broken and she is free do what ever it is that she wants.

She chooses to stay with him, and he is finally able to tell her he loves her. And she is able to do the same.

I don't know why this anime has affected me so much. Several days before I even came across this show I was in the shower and thinking like i always do in the shower. I was thinking about my life in the future and what I wanted, relationship wise. and All I could see was love. I wanted to love someone, to give my heart entirely to her, and care for, protect, and provide for this woman. To love our child, which in this daydream was a little girl, a little girl who looked so much like her mother. I held my child in my arms and kissed her forhead while her mother watched and smiled. I couldnt see any faces but i could tell that they were beautiful, like nothing i had ever seen before.

When the day dream ended and I came back to the shower I almost cried. And now this anime, so full of love. I ache to feel loved again. I ache to give my love to someone. I know i have so much to give, its just waiting inside of me to burst out.

Maybe I'm just lonely, maybe I just need to find a girlfriend. The wierd thing is, I don't want just another girlfriend. I'm only 21 but I feel so much older, I want a life with someone, I want love with someone, I dont even care about sex (though it would be nice.) I just want to hold someone so my arms dont feel so useless. Why are they here if not to protect those important to me? I feel like im going to burst. Since I started writing this I've been shivering, but I'm not cold. Its like, I don't know it's like overflowing energy I can't contain. I'm glad I grew up with 2 sisters, I may be more open than most guys, more able to understand what I'm feeling.

I want my life to move forward, It's so stagnant I can't stand it anymore. I want love. I want to feel what love is like again.I miss being loved.

After saying all that. I don't want it right now. I want it whenever God has it planned for me. I've wondered in the past why God is making me wait so long. Then I read something in a book,

" "Why God? Why would you ask me wait years for someone to love?"
"Who said I asked you to wait years?"
"What do you mean?"
"Life isn't lived years at a time"
"I don't understand"
"Life isn't lived years at a time"
"I still don't understand"
"You can only take in life one day at a time"
"So you only want me to wait for one day?"
"You can only wait for one day, then when that day is done, you can only wait for the next day."
"Waiting only one day isn't so bad"
"No, one day is not so bad." " - Loosely quoted from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (I think, ive read a few books like this)

I want my life to be stable first. I want my career to begin, I want to be an Officer before I find this love. But who am I to say what I want to happen? It will happen when it happens, all I can do is make it though one day.

I've been listening to the theme song for Ah, My Goddess on repeat since starting this post, I still cant undersand the words but the song is beautiful, and somehow its meaning is not lost.

If I had a wish. I would wish for someone to love, and be loved by in return, for the rest of my life, and after.

"The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives." - Albert Schweitzer

Lord, don't let this feeling die again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ldh_pk_vz9E

Sick

2006-12-19T17:23:00.000-08:00

Yep, thats me. Went to bed early last night hoping to sleep all night. Fell asleep at about 11:30-12:00 sometime, woke up at 3 and was wide awake until 9am. I had a bowl of cereal, I didnt really think the milk was 100% but there was still 6 days left on the expirey date also it was just a bit less than half full, so i figured how could it be bad already.... Well it was, im assuming because my stomache is killing me and ive just spent the last hour in the washroom worshiping the porcelain throne. I hate being sick

For Dez

2006-12-12T15:32:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcK8aMJh5f4&mode=related&search=

Homework

2006-12-08T17:54:00.000-08:00

I can't count the number of times this happened to me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=od7UpPo7Zd8&mode=related&search=

These are my Business Socks

2006-12-05T15:12:00.000-08:00

A Little something for my friends down south... if you know what I mean

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ht2PPUjxIQ

Are you happy? Cause im happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xwiIhDCLgQ

Mommy, Mommy... I wanna be a real man too. I want yarn in my stockings for christmas and i want it in there NOW!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jYa_rJyG18

Next time I see someone lying on the ground in pain, Im just going to drive over them and end their suffering. oh and Nice hop dumbass.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN9ChPZjzF8&mode=related&search

Mutha Fuckin Orange-Face you bang them hoes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05vE6Mkhhk0&mode=related&search

And I leave you with more Mudvayne. WEE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54_6cCRD5Hk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NI8pJ00Gh8&mode=related&search

So What Up?

2006-11-07T13:55:00.000-08:00

Feeling Ansy

Want to punch somthing

Havent hit anything in a long time, 21 years if your thinking is in the gutter, mine sure is. :P

Going to put punching bag up and beat the shit out of it.

Will wear real gloves this time so I dont tear my nuckles to shreds again.

I miss Becca, and so does my sister with whome I just spoke. We miss you, Call us. I'm going to start singing Celine Dion soon.

I forgot I had this song in my music library... See Spot Run - Weightless. That brings back memories from grade 9. Ahh highschool crushes that you'll never forget.

Anyway I'm in a wierd mood, check Chris's blog for details. Time to go punch stuff

Staniel McFineAss

2006-10-28T19:52:00.000-07:00

I can't come tonight /cry I work at 9 and just woke up after my second 4 hour sleep of the day. If you guys are still partying at 5am when i get off work let me know otherwise im going to have to break in and sneak into your bed at 5:30 when I get there.

Yes cole you can come too, infact if you arent in there i'll truely be dissapointed.

And Chris you can come too if you promise not to bite, as hard.

And wow I feel dirty now, time for a shower, food and "Work".

Becca got your email thanks for the fast responce, will reply tomorrow sometime.

Dez, I realized Im getting about 8 hours of sleep a day, 2 sets of 4 hours at random times, sometimes its 5 and 3 or 3 and 5 but in the end it adds up right?

Fuck late nights

2006-10-20T06:58:00.000-07:00

I'm really starting to hate working nights. Or more specifically I hate working more than 2 in a row...

I have too much time to think on latenights, and for me thinking is never a good thing. I end up feeling angry, bitter, sad, used, jealous, alone, really fucking pissed off... although I think angry cover's that...

but yea im finally done my 5 day late night stint, now I get pretty much 7 days off before I have to work nights again. thank god. I hate what nights do to me.

But there is hope, of a sort. I have started playing World of Warcraft again so at least I can shut off those feelings for a while and drown myself in computer games WOOT!

and no Dez and Jen you don't have to be worried. I used to drown myself in computer games all the time before I met you. It's what I know how to do.

Also, cole I got your message but I was at work, my phone isn't reliable anymore (It barely works and if it does it's pretty much a guarentee that it will stop working very soon) so I'll try to call you soon, or just come over, my house has carpet again so i may have a "Phil has carpet again" party consisting of video games, and good movies that boys actually want to watch.. like "Dragon: the bruce lee story" <--- my favorite movie of all time. (I just realized last night while watching it at work getting paid $12 something an hour to do it.) anyway time to drown out all this anger by killing shit over and over and over AND FUCKING OVER! yeay! http://www.blizzard.com/inblizz/fanart/ScreenShot.aspx?ImageIndex=416&Set=0

this pic makes me happy, I wonder why...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5X8p9W4VkM&mode=related&search
Current Favorite Song... altough this verson has been cut by about 2 minutes. :(

Forsaken by Destiny
Forsaken by my Own Mind
I Must Remove my Skin
To See Belief in Your EYES!!

My job > You

2006-10-08T08:25:00.000-07:00

I love my job.

$12.something an hour

I watch a movie for the first 2 hours

Then I play ps2 for 4 hours.

Then I do my dockwalk (write down all the pro numbers and where each piece of freight is going)

Then I play more ps2 until home time.

I also call in ever hour or so so they know im alive.

My job > you

BAHAHA I'll show you depressing

2006-10-07T05:20:00.000-07:00

So you think Stabilo - Flawed Design is depressing???

I"LL SHOW YOU!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6jOMn_KPCU

By the way WTF HAPPENED TO THE CHAMPANE BOTTLE!?!?

Stabilo - Flawed Design, Naruto Music Video

2006-10-02T03:35:00.000-07:00

It's a bunch of Naruto video clips done to Stabilo's Flawed Design.

the reason im posting this is because this sone is kinda how I am in some ways, and trying to change those ways is turning out to be very difficult. Let me know what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wer_rLswX4M

Lyrics:

When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control
If I was tempted I would run
Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it
- And I wanted it
Now, I'm having trouble differentiating
Between what I want
And what I need
To make me happy
So instead of thinking I just stop
Before I have the chance to contemplate the
Consequences of action

Bridge:
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head

Chorus:
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my flawed design

And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed
And if I asked permission
If I make sure it's ok
I promise I won't slip up this time
You can trust me
But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason
And I would ask
That you never ask a question
That I cannot ask myself
For it might
Dirty up your conscience

Chorus:
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -

And how can you say those things
Why can't you just believe?
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face?
And how can you say those things
Why can't you just believe?
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face?

Bridge [x2]
'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -
'Cuz I lie
And if I could control it
Maybe I could leave it all behind
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design

Keep Moving Keep Moving Dont Fall Over Keep Moving

2006-09-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Now I know why Police Officers call the P.A.R.E. the "Physical of Fire". I got burned.

Ok everyone, gather around find a chair to sit in, snuggle up to one another its story time from Phil's house.

This past weeking knowing that I had to do the PARE on thursday I wanted to Eat healthy, get lots of sleep and go for run's every day. But me being as lazy as I am didnt eat healthy (I had Mc Donalds and Wendy's 5 out of 10 days since I signed up to take the pare) I havent really slept well because I've been sleeping on a Couch since I dont have a room right now, (New carpet/paint/too tired from latenights to work on it) and I rarely go for runs.

So PARE day comes and I went to bed at 11:30pm and woke up at 5am for work. at 11am I go home and on the way home I decided to have breakfast before going to bed for an hour of sleep before I had to leave. Didnt happen, I got home and crashed in the spare room which is the only bed other than my mom's in the house right now. Woke up at 12:30 (I had to be there at 1:15) and ate breakfast

A bowl of cereal, a blueberry bagel, about 2 inches of salami cut from one of those round meat things that fit so nicely on ritz crackers, and 2 eggs... ate it all in 10 minutes at about 12:45... Really bad breakfast, really bad Idea to eat that much of so many random things such a short time before I had to run like a crazy man.

I left my house at 1:10pm (knowing that I had to be there at 1:15) and because I was in such a rush I forgot ALL my paperwork. So I had to call Christina, my fricken awesome sister, and ask her to drive to my house pick up my stuff and drive down to the YMCA where the test was being done.

It was bloody cold in that gym plus I was nervous and scared. There were 6 other people who were doing the test and I was the youngest and skinnyest by 5 years and 10-15 lbs of muscle..

Christina showed up with my papers while the second guy was running and she left right away. so because my papers were late I got to go last.

The two guys who went in front of me were both Regular Members (Full Police Officers) and their test is a little bit different than an applicants. After the 6 laps around the course you have to use a machine called a push pull machine. Regular Members push and pull 80 lbs applicants push and pull 70lbs. Well they forgot to take the extra 10 lbs off before I ran my test so I was trying to push the 80lbs... and I made it about 90 degrees of the 180 you have to push it (6 times by hte way) when I ran completely out of energy and dropped the weight. thats when one of the helpers noticed the extra weight so I got a 5 second break while they took the weight off.

Did the push, did the wall thing, did the pull and my timed portion was done. As I was walking off the exaustion She read out my time. I had to get 4 minutes 45 seconds to pass. She read out 4:50. I almost fell over. Then she corrected herself and said 4:20 including my 1 fault ( My toe hit the mat I was supposed to jump over, 5 second fault i think)

so anyway I finished the 80 lbs. carry and tryed to walk off the rest of the exaustion. I almost fell over so I decided to sit and rest by the wall. This helped at first. Then my legs started to ache. So I had to move them while staying sitting, that was interesting.

Anyway the only people left in the gym at this point was a young regular officer, maybe 28, the examiner and myself. The officer and the examiner were both talking and what not when I said

"I dont feel so good"

The officers head snapped around to look at me (He was sitting with his back to me) and the examiner looked up too. I decided I was fine and didnt need any help and they went back to talking.

The officer got up and left the gym for a couple seconds and thats when I said it again..

"I dont feel very good"

so the examiner went and got me a glass of water because I was dehydrated.. (as I found out later so dehydrated It took an hour of constantly drinking 100ml or 2ooml of water every 3 minutes to get me back to a healthy state)

so I sat there with my water while the officer and the examiner talked some more. Then I had a couple sips... and as soon as I did I knew it was over..

"I think I'm going to be sick" were my next words... the examine rushed off to get me a towel and the officer helped me up and walked me over towards the door to the outside.

While en route he said "It's ok dont feel bad, absolutely everyone gets sick at least once, usually more than once."

Then I touched the door handle and I was already puking. I flung the door open took a couple steps onto the grass and collapsed onto my hands and knees where I stayed for 5 minutes puking up chunks of salami and blueberry bagels and eggs, the cereal was kind of mixed in betweend everything so I couldnt actually feel any chunks come out.

After I was done puking I wiped off my face with the towel, flipped it over and used it as a pillow as I lay down beside my puddle of vomit. The examiner made me come inside and told me to drink lost and lost of water and not to drive until I felt I was no longer dizzy and I could see straight again.

an hour later I got up and left.

Physical of Fire... damn right. Next time... actually prepare for it.

Hinder - Lips of an Angel

2006-09-09T16:04:00.000-07:00

Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it so hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why are you calling me so late

If you havent heard this song before, download it, listen to it, and love it. I love his voice, and something about this song tears at my heart. Good songs do that though.

Enjoy

Whats the point

2006-09-06T23:24:00.000-07:00

Ok so I'm seriously thinking of deleting this blog, whats the point? I post funny video's and no one comments, I talk about my life, and no one comments, I post songs that make me feel something and no one comments. The only reason I post post songs that make me feel something is to find out what other people thing about them. the only reason I post about my life is to let people know whats going on, but if no one comments I assume no one reads, as do you all :P. The only reason I post funny video's is to see people's reactions.

So.... this will be my last post and in a couple weeks i'll delete this cause it seems like a waste of time.

KK bye ^^

Attitude & Banana's

2006-09-03T05:28:00.000-07:00

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."? So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-M-M, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today."? So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything.

completely Random but extemely funny at 5:38 in the morning....

http://Video.sympatico.msn.com/v/en-ca/v.htm?g=BB9BED65-A8F7-42FD-A125-0A5AF9CD09A7&f=imbot_en-ca&fg=copy

Warning: Gross content. ROFL

I heart Meatwad.

2006-08-31T18:45:00.000-07:00

Dont you be givin it to me in that tippy cup. I am an adult and I deserve an adult glass. *Tip... Spill* WAAAAAAAHHHHHH

uh oh I dont think so *sniff* phew no no this milk has expired meatwad

Oh no I like it when it's chunky, Its spreadible and its edible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fv8xyumZr4&mode=related&search=

I'm satan's onion, s..scalion

Minnion?

No not that.

Are you depressed? Has high intrest rates got you down? My name is Meatwad and today im here to offer you a once in a life time opportunity. Sell your organs over the internet.

andthank you james. woot for diet coke and mentos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EomlECEV1eE&mode=related&search=

Tracy Chapman - At This Point In My Life

2006-08-28T00:24:00.000-07:00

Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I've
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right

At this point in my life
I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do
right
If you put your trust in me I hope I won't let you down
If you give me a chance I'll try

You see it's been a hard road the road I'm traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to
ruin
I've had a hard life I'm just saying it so you'll understand
That right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life

At this point in my life
Although I've mostly walked in the shadows
I'm still searching for the light
Won't you put your faith in me
We both know that's what matters
If you give me a chance I'll try

You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
I've been reaching high always losing ground
You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground
You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to
climb
And right now right now I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life

Before we take a step
Before we walk down that path
Before I make any promises
Before you have regrets
Before we talk commitment
Let me tell you of my past
All I've seen and all I've done
The things I'd like to forget
At this point in my life

At this point in my life
I'd like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it

You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life

At this point in my life

Disturbed & KoRn - Forsaken

2006-08-27T22:31:00.000-07:00

You see I can not be forsaken
because I am not the only one

We walk amongst
feeding raping
Must we hide from everyone

/happy

If anyone happens to find a clearer version than the one I have please let me know and I'll only hump your leg for 5 minutes instead of my usual greeting hump of 10 minutes

Application Package? Yes please.

2006-08-26T04:47:00.000-07:00

So I just thought I'd clarify because I just figured this out for myself too...

Passing the RPAB (RCMP Police Aptitude Battery) doesn't mean I'll be allowed to apply. All it means is that I *can* apply. This I did not realize, so when I got all excited and posted that I was applying, I was still unaware that I might not be accepted to apply.

Now when I figured this out I was quite disheartened, until Dez came stalking up behind me at work (which by the way was a great idea... I was so ready to come around the corner ready to fight, hence why I didnt seem very suprised, I had already turned off most emotions not nessesary for fighting. lol)

anyway I was disheartened because of my overall score...

on the RPAT (RCMP Police Aptitude Test) I got 3.64/5.00 and you need a 3.20 to pass. This is the test that tells wether you pass or fail the whole test.

on the SFPQ (Six Factor Personality Questionaire) I got a 61.00

what they do with those two numbers is work some mathematical magic and put them on the same scale... the end result being a score out of 500

This overall Score is called the RPAB score and is your final mark on the entire test.

This overall score is then used to place you on a Ranking List and from that Ranked List candidates are chosen to continue with the application...

The depressing part for me was my overall RPAB score, I got 234.96/500. the average is 246.62... and in my mind because I was below 250 and also below the average... I figured I wasn't going to get picked and I'd have to wait a whole year to apply again...

We'll I got a call on thursday sometime from the RCMP Recruiting Office in Victoria... They're sending me the application package so that I can continue with the application process...

And... on that note I just remembered that I had posted a much condensed version of this post on thursday... so chyeah... woot for being so tired you can't even remember what you did two days ago...

Screw sleep, I dont need *Yawn* need it *Yawn* mmm its nice and warm in my roo*Thunk**Snore*

Oh it's your last shift for the weekend? FUCK YOU

2006-08-25T05:57:00.000-07:00

Shift from hell. the beginning was awesome, Becca came to visit. Ryan came (for the 5th night in a row) with food for me.

Then.... A second Fields trailer came in and had to leave asap....

Every skid I take off the trailer has to be weighed, every item on that skid has to be counted, then I record it and either load it into another trailer or place is in nice neat lines somewhere in the warehouse.... x20-30 skids (I think) per trailer x2 trailers...

Some skids have 20 boxes on them... some have 50 :ing 3 boxes....

Then there was the 1 skid.... Half of the bottom row of boxes werent even on the skid so the whole thing was falling over as soon as I moved it.... so I placed another skid underneath it to help support it... then the forklift didnt want to come out from under the skid.... Then when I got it out of the trailer it almost all fell over I had to slam the lift into E-Brake and jump out and catch the boxes before it all fell.... PUSH them back into a mostly upright position, remove my forklift from the area and saran wrap the whole stack (including both skids) super tight so that it wouldnt fall over again... This whole process took about half a fucking hour for the 1 skid.... then I went to weight it..... and I shit you not. It weighed EXACTLY 666lbs... I'm not joking in the least. 666 lbs. And I agree it was the skid from hell.

But on the plus side. I dont work until sometime next week woot! a weekend for myself! Which I will spend working for my mother for free!

Hehe.... but at least I'm getting the RCMP application package. I love packages. especially ones that come from a uniform... Giggle. I'm so tired. Time to go lay down and stare at the roof until 8am when I will actually fall asleep.

Another Step Done

2006-08-24T17:58:00.000-07:00

I just got a phone message from RCMP Recruiting in Vancouver. I have been selected from the RPAB List to continue my application and I am to expect an Application package in the mail.

I love my God, he is so generous and caring. I needed to hear this news so badly. I'm so relieved, now its just a matter of getting everything done and doing it right.

Thank you Lord.

2006-08-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

Ok so I have a christmas present request already....

Cook books.
Out door BBQ, fine dining, every day meals, and maybe even baking but only as a last resort.

I really want a good BBQ cook book, and a good fine dining one.

This bachelor wants to learn how to cook for himself, and his next lady friend. (Seduce her with tasty food. go me!)

2006-08-16T16:13:00.000-07:00

Why does it feel like my life is falling appart.

I dont sleep anymore, evne when im exausted and crash I only sleep for maybe an hour and a half. Everyone I know is mad at me for some reason. I constantly feel like a failure at everything I do or have done. I dont go to TKD anymore cause i feel like I dont know anything and I'm not very good.

I just dont understand wny everything is going so wrong. Becca is leaving in 18 days and I can't seem to keep it together long enough to see her.

Ryan was helping me with my shed roof, we had to tear it appart and rebuild it because it was rotten. we got into an argument and I ended up leaving the shed roof walking to my car and driving away for an hour, coming home and 10 minutes later leaving again and went to work. that was friday and yesterday was the first day ive talked to him

I dont see any of my other friends, who for some reason (Its not you guys.. trust me) I feel arent really my friends, they're becca's and just tolerate me. the only person who calls me ehough to talk to me is Dez and she's over in ottawa and is probably mad at me too because I dont call her back most of the time.

I just dont understand whats happening. I'm so angry at everything and nothing. I'm so frustrated I'm ready to take my guns out into the bush and just shoot something until I feel better. (dont worry becca I was thinking of shooting a board with a target in the middle. Nothing living... plus shooting living things is illegal till fall)

ARGHGHASD:LAKSJF:LKJ. I'm sorry if I've pissed you off because im a fuck up right now. I'm sorry if ive Ignored some of you (Cole, Jen) I just dont want to see anyone. and at the same time I'm pissed off cause I never see anyone.

What is going on. God I wish I could just go to Depot and actually start my life.

Becca got me an AMAZING book, "Mountie Makers" by Robert Gordon Teather. As the back of the book sais "Bob Teather was a renowned expert in underwater forensics and recovery techniques and a winner of the Canadian Cross of Valour and the RCMP's highest award, the Commissioner's Commendation for Bravery.

anyway the book is about his some of his stories from his training at Depot, and it just made me ache to go there myself.

I love the end lines "For six months of my life, I had been spit upon, shouted at, beaten, starved, and humiliated. Boy, those were the good 'ol days."

anyway im going to go find something to occupy my time. while I wait to leave this place.

You know what I say to sleep? Fuck Shoes

2006-08-10T02:42:00.000-07:00

2:37am, I work at 6 am, I wake up for work at 5am. and its two fucking thirty seven

yes, colon's ( : ) now mean fuck. : you all

hehe colon you all. thats so fucking funny. I lvoe it. I'm actually laughing to myself right now.

Oiy, I hate my house. I think my mother should just sell it and get a new one. actualy thats not true this is the only home ive ever known, I'll be sad when we have to sell it.

So absolutely nothing is being done about the basement for now... which means we have all cement flooring, which means my basement is almost 5-10 degrees colder than the upstairs if not more.

My shed roof was rotting and the shingles had been slowly degrading over the past 30 years or so since it was built... so I'm also currently in the process of tearing off all the plywood from the joices so that I can nail new stuff on and reshingle. Fun for the whole family.

I miss my wookie already and she still has 23 days until she leaves for school. Very sad about that.

My Dezz is coming home soon so thats happy.

Yes, I own you two by the way. You are both mine.

and Cole... well if I had more energy or time in the day I'd see my Cole more but all the love making we do... it depleets me for weeks.

and Chrisy-poo... sorry man but you get sloppy seconds, but they thats still better than rotten thirds imo.

Sigh I've turned myself in a piece of meat my male friends use. Why can't we joke about me getting laid by a girl for once. That would be happy.

I love to dream. (Not a random topic switch by the way, read above statement for more information)

I feel like my life is going no where. I'm so exausted all the time. All I want to do is sit back and relax but I've got some much I want to and have to do. I've got no energy for TKD or even for running every morning like I should be doing to get ready for the PARE. Ugh... maybe I can find some really hot rich girl that I can leech off of.

No, thats not me. Leeching is bad mm kay.

Holy colon I'm tired and I now have almost 2 hours of sleep to get before I have to wake up for work.

colon shoes and : You

...

2006-08-08T23:53:00.000-07:00

Fine I'll update my blog.

Went on holidays that was fun-ish.

I have a job that I dont really like. though its fucking sweet. get paid $12.00+ an hour to...
go for a walk, call a phone number, play with fork lifts...... and its a 9-5 job!!!!! 9pm-5am!!

boring.

Dont really have much else to say, my life has become extremely boring in the last few months and I dont know why.

Oh, and my house has a crack (or 4) in the foundation and a void under the basement floor. so thats going to be expencive and messy to fix.

Bored.

I work at 6am and its now 12am. and Im not even a little bit tired.

I really need a change from the normal that is my life.

Bored

Aptitude Test

2006-07-10T17:19:00.000-07:00

Wow. I got to North District at 12:50ish, and the test started around 1:15.
Wow, it was so fricken long. 5 minutes to memerize the descriptions and pictures of 4 people and 8 different vehicles. Then it was 30 minutes to answer 44 questions about english and grammar and spelling (*puke* spelling). Then 2 hours to answer another 64 questions the first 10 or so were about the stuff you were supposed to memorize, and then the rest was logic, comprehension and math... there was even a physics question in there. V = Vnot + at. Vnot = 24.13 a = 12.34 t = 7.3 what is V. without a calculator... it sucked... cause seriously WTF is 12.34 x 7.3 without a calculator!??! bastards... anyway... after those 108 questions that take a little more than 2.5 hours there was still another 108 questions about your personality and what kind of person you are.

plus there were little breaks in between each section so in all the 3 hour exam that started at 1pm ended at 5pm... (yes I realize that is 4 hours... the 3 hour exam was sarcasm :P )

it sucked. but it was still fun. Now I wait 4-6 weeks for my results and if I pass I get to apply! lol woot! 4 hour exam and 6 week wait just to find out if I am worth sending an application package to. I love it. I can't wait to go to depot.

On a side note I never have to go back to Denny's if I don't want to. My last day ever was.... Boring. very very boring.

Also I love Bev... she almost started crying when I said good bye after she came in for dinner, it was so cute. And yes, I probably will go back for food... Often.

I'm not a Nerd damn it!

2006-06-28T21:33:00.000-07:00

Another step to becoming a RM is complete...

No more N sign.. just passed my class 5 drivers test today, yeay me. now if only I can actually do the test that will let them know if it's worth sending me an application. please hurry up 8th of July!

also my last day at the big D is the 9th so yeay for that. only 3 more shifts woot!

This Feels So Good

2006-06-25T00:27:00.000-07:00

Yea the title sais it all.

I

Quit

Denny's.

Yeay me

I'm so ronry, so ronry, so ronry and sadry arone

2006-06-20T00:03:00.000-07:00

I hate how I never get email's. It makes me sad to come home everyday and check my email. I dont even know why I bother anymore I haven't gotten a real email in I don't know how long. It's been a very long time since someone randomly sent me an email that they actually took some time to write and ask me how my day was. I think that's what I miss the most about having a girlfriend, having someone to talk about nothing with while cuddling on the couch. God I miss cuddling. Yep big strong TKD black belt wanna-be RCMP officer misses cuddling. I can't wait till I meet someone who wants to cuddle with me again lol. (Chris man I mean you)

I have no manliness left.

Oh and holy fuck Underworld 2 has the most R rated (without being xxx rated) sex scene in any movie I have ever seen.

That is all

because it's all I know how to do

2006-06-14T17:51:00.000-07:00

I was down by the court house today, actually more specifically right beside it, at a place called "Courtyard Lane". It's a building that one of Prince Georges Law firms work in. Right behind the law firm is an alley way that connects 3 different building complexes, and in this alley way attached to the building beside the law firm is a small staircase down into a basement and directly above it is another staircase that connects to the second floor of the building.

This would seem like a perfectly normal thing. Except for one fact. the stair case down into the basement is the "MOST" popular place for drug addicts to get high.

I stepped out of the van when we first got to the law firm yesterday and saw several seringe packages, all empty, and a used seringe. When I mentioned this to my boss (who is an Auxillary Police Officer) he took me over to the staircases and showed me where they like to get high. It was disgusting, there were seringes all over the place, and even more seringe caps (little orange things that go over the metal needle part) it was a mess.

Then about an hour or so after he showed me the mess these two native girls one skinny one bigger, walked past the van, and headed over to the stairs... We continued to work and then took a quick 5 minuted break to stand in the doorway to the second floor of the lawyers office and watch these girls at the other building. They looked up at us because we were staring... turned their backs and continued to inject whatever it was they injected.

That was yesterday. Today almost the same thing happened, we were about to drill a couple holes in the wall when this bigger native girl came around the corner with an older native male in a wheel chair, they parcked it right behind where we were about to work and she began to get ready to inject some drugs into her.

My boss went up to her and told her that he was an auxillary officer and asked her why she was doing that, her responce was, "because it's all I know how to do"

So he asked her to do it somewhere else because he didnt want someone who injects (and there for is probably infected with HIV, AIDS, Hep or something else) behind him while he worked with a contaminated seringe, and she very politely said ok and then moved around the corner to another building.

I feel so bad for these people, watching them do the drugs that destroyed any chance for a normal live they had breaks my heart. Though, it also makes me want to be a Police Officer so much more, because as an Officer I might have the chance to help someone who is on that path fix their lives before they sink so low that all they can do is drugs.

I go back to that job site tomorrow. I wonder how many more I'll see.

EEEEE HEHEHEHHEEHHEHE

2006-06-08T23:28:00.000-07:00

Yeay... I now have my first knife. It's called the PRT. Pocket Rescue Tool (sounds nicer so if something happens and I go to court I used a rescue tool to defend myself not a combat tactical assault knife..) it's so perty, and so nice to use.

It's entirely black so its harder to see, especially at night. It flicks open so easily, it's got a safety for closing so it cant accidentally close when I'm using it and cut off my own finger, its got a graphite carbide tip on the end that is used for shattering glass, and a seat belt cutter for uses during a car accident. It's got a black clip so I can clip it into my pocket (easier to get at if I need to use it) and the handle has some bumps on it so that if I do have to use it and the adrenaline is making my hands sweat my palms have some air to breathe and the sweat doesn't make the handle slippery. Did I mention that it is really pretty?

http://www.lbainternational.com/eickhorn/rt_pocket.htm

Mine is "Pocket Rescue Tool VIII" it's in the middle second row from the bottom.

I'm so happy... It's kinda creepy... I love it

I never thought it possible

2006-06-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

Me? I've always had lots of energy, I've always been able to go and go hard all day... but I think I'm finally reaching my limit, or starting to anyway.

I'm working 7 days a week no days off, ever... Unless of course I decide to go sit by a river all morning and most of the afternoon and then come home and move my bedroom around again... but thats another story.. anyway no days off...

Nights are busy seeing a couple friends or working around the yard with my mother trying to fix things up at my house

And then there is the ever present TKD (getting to that)

Also I haven't been sleeping very well anymore, I keep having reocurring nightmares, nothing is the same about these nightmares except that when I have them it ends up all being the same general situation and I just wake up with a cold sick feeling in my stomache. so I dont rest very well anymore...

I'm so exausted in every aspect of the word I feel like I have nothing left to give. I've been doing so much for so long and I just feel drained and empty, I hate it.

I'm so tired, last tuesday I got back from lunch and decided to wait in my car for my boss to get back too... 45 minutes later I wake up, call my boss and find out he had already got back before I did and he went off to a job and was waiting for me to call him so I could go meet him... I fell asleep in my car with the window's open... in the hood.

I havent gone to TKD in 2 weeks because I've been busy going to Becca's plays (my choice I dont regret that at all) but I didn't go last week because I was just too tired after work, I didn't want to get up off the couch to go wash my uniform... which reminds me I need to wash my uniform...

Uggghh so tired, so drained, so empty.

My Weekend

2006-05-29T15:14:00.000-07:00

Well I sure did have an interesting weekend.

I woke up at 7am friday morning to be at work for 8am.. I worked until 5 and then went straight to TKD where I tought the class and after that I went with Mel, Cole, and Nick to the drive-in theatre. It's was cool, that was my first time ever going there. I must go again... but with who?? (Dun dun dunnn) anyway Mel brought me back to her place to drop me off at my car and we ended up talking until about 4:30 in the morning... thank you by the way that was very calming... and then by the time I got home it was 5am and I had to be up at 6am to be at work for 7am until 3pm...

After work on saturday (and only the 1 hour of sleep) I went home got ready picked up Jen and we were off to Williams Lake by 4pm... about half way to quesnel I was falling asleep driving.. literally I dont remember part of the drive from quesnel but apparently I was talking to Jen for most of it... so she gave me something to help keep me awake... and it's effect was VERY mild by the way, I forbid anyway to be mad a Jen, if she hadn't we wouldn't have made it on time or we would have crashed on the way... anyway it didn't have any effect like caffine.. I just felt awake, not twitchy or sugar highish just plain awake and alert... stopped in quesnel for food and then about half an hour after that I was falling asleep again so I took another wake up pill and I was fine until that night...

Which by the way was at 3am sunday morning.. had an OK time at the awards thing.. kinda got boring after the awards were all handed out and people were all talking with themselves cause Jen and I didn't know anyone.. but yea got to bed at 3am and woke up at 6:30 ish and were back on the road home by 8am... got home at 11:00 and I had to work at 12pm-8pm... that was fun..

I was falling asleep standing up and even walking so Emily handed me some caffine pills and said "I cup of coffee or two?" and I asked for 2 cups.. and took the pills with the cup of coffee I had in my hand lol... about an hour later I was zooming around all over the restaraunt and I was flirting with everyone at work.. especially Bev and Josh.. lol... silly caffine... stupid Phil...

Ended up staying an extra hour and a half waiting for a $150 table to leave.. got $10 from them... not 10% but better than nothing... and came home

I finally got to bed at 11:50 at which point I had only 4-5 hours of sleep spread out over 60 hours...

The lesson I've learned? Loving someone enough to travel to another city just to watch them perfom 1 show and then sortof hang out with them afterwards is really fun when you haven't slept.. and it makes it that much more meaning full for yourself when it's all over.

Time for sleep

So mellow

2006-05-24T00:05:00.000-07:00

Had an ok day today, the evening rocked my socks. Went to TKD and enjoyed myself there until about 9:30 at which point I asked Mr.Clitch if I could get him to hold the shield so I could get rid of some unwanted emotions that had been building up inside of me for a few weeks now and yea... it was good.. almost knocked him on his ass a couple times with some revers side kicks (Spin backwards and kick with your ass and upper leg muscles, probably one of the strongest kicks in TKD) and then he grabbed some hand pads and I did another half hour of hand techniques until my arms were aching... then we went for a 5km jog/walk thing and then had dinner at denny's.. it was quite nice. but now im tired and sore and sleepy so its off to bed with me.

Song that makes me feel better.

2006-05-23T17:32:00.000-07:00

Mudvayne - IMN listen to it if you want i dont really give a shit.

Taking A Step

2006-05-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... actually it's kind of strange. Before I met Becca I didn't think about the future I didn't think about what I wanted to be or do with my life, or even what kind of person I wanted to be when I got there. Ever since I got to know her she has been an inspiration to me. She's shown me what else there is in this world and how good it can be. They haven't invented the words that can accurately describe how grateful I am and how much I appreciate what she's done for me. Because of her I know what it's like to feel, to desire something with all your heart and long for it until you cry, and then when you finally get it you are so happy that you fall to your knees and thank God that you can be so fortunate.
I feel as if my life is starting to take some kind of direction.

I have for the first time, a goal. You know in school when the teacher hands you a sheet of paper and tells you to write down some goals for yourself, I never did, I always wrote down some bullshit like eat three meals a day, or Make it through school without killing any small animals. For the first time I have something I want to do so much that it's been consuming almost every thought i have.

I want to be an ERT member. E.R.T. Emergency Responce Team. They are a special forces type branch of the RCMP similar to America's S.W.A.T. (Special Weapons and Tactics). I already know the general outline of how to become one. First you have to be an RCMP Officer for a few years and then you can apply.

Today, Tuesday the 23rd of May I'm going to go to the police station and ask for an application. I'm taking a step toward the only goal I've ever had for my life.

I can never truely describe how thankful I am that I was giving the opportunity to become your friend Becca. I know I can never tell you how much I love you now matter how hard I try, because there just isn't enough time in our lives to show you even a fraction of what I feel. All I can say is Thank-you for showing me a better way to live.

Tactical Knife Course levels 1 & 2 COMPLETE

2006-05-21T17:04:00.000-07:00

Well I'm done, it's over, I'm half way through the tactical knife course's that Maluco Tactical Training (the company that was teaching us) provides. which means apparently I already have more knife training than the average police officer/public safety person, which is pretty cool. It's all very basic stuff and terribly fun.

Throughout all this fun though I've been kinda worried. My nose has bled 3 times in 2 days for no apparent reason, and This morning before just after I woke up I started to caugh, and I caughed so hard that I felt like I was going to throw up, so I had a drink of water like I normally do when that feeling comes (it comes a couple times a month at least) but it didnt help, I threw up the water and the rest of the absolutely nothing in my stomache, it hurt so bad I was teary. Not Fun.

But yea I had a lot of fun this weekend, staying out till 2am and 3am with people I don't actually know, and waking up at 6:30 to go learn how to use a knife effectively... it was quite the experience. I'd also like to take some time to thank God. I thank him for creating coffee, without it I would have been screwed this weekend, today especially. I was the only one drinking coffee and I had 3 pots all to myself over the two days... it was quite tasty... although I feel like I need to brush my teeth 50 times with ultra-supreme-mega-powerful-extra whitening toothpaste.

Yea I had fun, but I'm exausted so I'm going to go look for a DVD that was rented for my B-Day and hasn't been returned yet... also... Jen, Cole, Dez I think (even though you arent here) you guys still owe me money for my B-Day dinner because I bought you all pizza. and Cole I still have your Debit Card.

Why con't

2006-05-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

Why do I do this to myself? I knew I had to be awake at 6:30 this morning, I knew I had to be at the Dojang by 7:45 at the latest, but I still went to the cast party for Closer. The stage manager Nigel invited me. He's someone I met through TKD and I got to know him over the three days that I went to the show. It was fun though, lots of laughing, a little bit of showing off (I couldn't help it, I tryed not to), lots of sitting in the background watching everything happen around me. I've realized I dont have much in common with theatre people, infact I have almost nothing in common with them. Friday night I went to the BX pub with them after the show and the two that I was sitting near were talking to be about books and movies and stuff like that and I had no clue what they were talking about, I felt so dumb, but I dont really mind because if anyone tryed to rob myself or one of the people that I love or if someone tryed to force those I love to do something they don't want to... I can defend myself and them. I can protect them with as much force as I feel is nessesary, and I wouldn't hesitate to do so either. God damn it's so hard hanging out with people you don't have anything in common with they tell so many jokes and everyone laughs but you dont know why but you laugh a bit anyway.... bleh I need to stop talking, I have to go, day two of the Knife Course starts today and it's "live blade cutting" day, we get to test our knives through different materials, like shoes, wood, leather, and yea it's going to be interesting. So sleepy

Why

2006-05-21T03:03:00.000-07:00

Why do I do this to myself? I'll explain later. too tired now.

2006-05-18T18:18:00.000-07:00

Watched Closer last night and man I forgot how brutal that play/movie was. Makes me glad that I couldn't cheat on anyone. I'd much rather break up with the person than do that kind of thing to them. Anyway, foot is feeling better now. I can walk on it just fine. I think climbing up and down ladders all day at work (we do air conditioning... 30 foot ladders onto roofs. doesnt seem so bad until you realize that the middle of the ladder is moving almost 2 feet every time you take a step up or down......) really helped to work the soreness out of my tendons/bones

Tactical Knife course starts on saturday, im excited. it's going to be so much fun, I'm going to learn so much. This is the most excited I've been in such a long time. It's so nice to feel something other than sore, sick, lonely (damn you Ryan why must you be in Kemes you fucker), or exausted.

Also since I have this new job I've had the most sun I've ever had in such a long time. I swear I've already been in the sun more in the last week than I was all last Summer put together. I'm starting to get a REAL TAN! OMFG! now if only it wasnt a farmers tan.... oh well it's better than nothing.

TACTICAL KNIFE ON SATURDAY WOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!! OMFG! IM GOING TO CREAM MYSELF!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck off and die you fucked up slag. (sorry no point in that, it's just such a fun line from Closer to say)

God that play is hard to watch, lol good thing I only have 2 more shows to watch, and then maybe the one in Williams Lake if anyone wants to come. (Literally anyone, I dont want to go alone, except Celine Dion, fuck her imo. What? No one is on the telephone? thats sad, join the fucking club bitch, Awwww You're all by youself.... good at least then you wont waste anyone's time.)

Wow random anger... well since I'm not renewing my WoW account and it has expired i guess I should go do something constructive with my time.... but twhat?

Fuck you.

WTF?

2006-05-14T00:35:00.000-07:00

Why is that when 1 thing happens several more come with it. Not only did I hurt my foot, but I am now sick with what im assuming is what becca had. My head is so stuffy, im caughing a lot, it feels like there is stuff in my lungs, im limping, im covered in vicks, I JUST RUBBED MY NOSE OW ITS STINGS STUPID FUCKING VICKS, im tired, im grumpy, i miss my wookie. arg, it's 12:34 Nadine and I just finished watching season 7 of Stargate SG-1. it's so cool. im quite glad she got me season 8 for my birthday. because we are now watching every season.... BACKWARDS! yeay. aanyway im really grumpy my nose is so itchy and hurting but the more i rub it the move vicks hands i expose it too... BLAST!!! my eyes are watering... waaaahhhh i miss my wookie, im laughing cause im so pathetic omg. Big TKD man brought to his knees by a cold. im going to bed. where is ken?

Bleh

2006-05-11T00:10:00.000-07:00

I hate being hurt. I still cant put full weight on my foot. I've had a caugh all day and my lungs are starting to hurt. We've got no good food in my house. And I'm bored out of my mind. Bleh. I cant even drive to go get McDonald's like I want to.... ARG GOING CRAZY.

Ouch.

2006-05-06T21:50:00.000-07:00

The tournement went really well today, I'm happy with the results (ish).

I competed in two event's, Patterns and Sparring.

Patterns. I did Kwang-Gae really well. theres about six moves in the pattern that are done in slow motion, that includes forcing your foot to slide across the ground in slow motion, this is very hard on a rubber/foam mat in bare feet. but it went REALLY well. Then the judges pick a random pattern from a bag and we perform that pattern. They picked Hwa-Rang. it's the pattern you learn at red belt to test for black stripe. Again I was doing very well. I KNOW I was better than my opponent, but... here comes the embarassing part. I forgot the second half of the pattern. I'm not too stressed about it though. I learned Kwang-Gae in two weeks, and ive only been back at TKD for about 3-4 months now? I wasnt expecting much from patterns but it just sucks because I know I was better than the other guy.

Sparring. Sparring was special... I need to explain something about Blackbelt competition. Black belt rank doesnt matter. a 3rd dan and a 4th dan will spar eachother in competition, so will a 1st dan and a 4th dan, it makes no difference. now this makes it harder for the 1st dan because the 4th has a lot more experience.

My sparring went well consittering. One of the competetors decided not to show up until the entire competition was almost half finished. so my devision (Men's 18-35 Light weight) was merged with the Men's 18-35 heavy weight. so that meant that I would be sparring a 3rd dan and a 4th dan (both of which are on the Canadian National Team for the West Coast i think). These guys were good. Easily out scoring their first 2 opponents each. then it was my turn to spar and just by the way the matches worked out I had to spar this little asian 4th dan black belt. First thing he did when the match started was knock the wind out of me. then I was mad. we traded some good hits and I held my ground well maintaining the centre of the ring for most of the match but in the end I lost by 1-2 points. the 4th dan went on to get 2nd place and I got a bronze medal at my first tourney in over 6 years.

so yea patterns sucked I was so pissed off at myself. So I took it out on the guy in sparring but it wasn't quite enough. Oh also Somehow I dont remember how my foot got injured and I can barely walk on it. Dont know how that happened but I do know that the adrenaline in my body didnt let me feel it until about 20 minutes after the matches. and now it hurts like a son of a bitch just sitting there and not moving.

but yea I'm dissapointed in myself I know I could have done better but seeing as this was my first tourney I think I did well. Now its time to decide if I want to go to montreal for the canadian championships. We'll see.

5.5 hours

2006-05-06T00:39:00.000-07:00

5.5 hours until I have to get up and get ready for tomorrow. I'm so screwed. I've been sick all day. Super thirsty, and just know my stomache started churning. I have the random cut on the bottom of my toe it's right on the knuckle part under the joint, so every time I step the cut compresses and releases when I take pressure off of it. it's so annoying.

Going to bed now, I should sleep good I'm exausted. I'm going to have nervous shakes until after the medal's are handed out and the first match I'm judging is done. AHHH night.

By the way, Becca, I'm going to win a medal for you, so you can be proud of me, and so I can prove to myself that I am worth something. I love you.

1

2006-05-04T23:40:00.000-07:00

day left until Competion time. I'm so nervous. I wish those I care about the most could be there but they both have work. (Becca is working and I think my Mother is too so... I guess that means i'll just have to bring some gold medals to show them)

My pattern is coming along nicely.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhcDeshgN60&search=Kwang%20Gae

This is generally what it looks like. His movements are WAY too fast (the first move, after the hands seperate, should take a count of 4 to reach the bottom, he does it in 2ish, same with the upset punches and the palm rising block, but you dont know what those are. :P)

Anyway thats what it will look like but mine will be much better.

Sparring is going to go ok I guess. I need to be more agressive and wear my "angry face" q1 more so that my opponent knows that he is in MY house when he steps into the ring. but anyway i just got my hair cut and my back is itching like mad so its shower then bed time. though no one wants to think of me in the shower. its just too....... ....... yea I got nothing, but I do know it's not good. lol

Si Jak (Begin)

Brad Paisley - She's everything

2006-05-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

She’s a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She’s looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She’s “I want a piece of chocolate”
“Take me to a movie”
She’s “I can’t find a thing to wear”
Now and then she’s moody
She’s a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a blowin'
She’s a soft place to land
And a good feeling knowing
She’s a warm conversation that I wouldn’t miss for nothing
She’s a fighter when she’s mad and a lover when she’s loving

She’s everything that I ever wanted
And everything I need
When I talk about her I go on and on and on
Cause she is everything to me

She’s a Saturday out on the town
Church girl on Sunday
A cross around her neck and a cuss word cause it’s Monday
She’s a bubble bath and candle baby come and kiss me
She’s a one glass of wine and she’s feelin kinda tipsy
She’s the giver I wish I could be and the stealer of the covers
She’s the picture in my wallet
She’s the hand that I'm holdin when I’m on my knees and prayin
She’s the answer to my prayers
She’s the song that I’m playin and

She’s everything that I ever wanted
And everything I need
When I talk about her I go on and on and on
Cause she is everything to me

She’s the voice I love to hear
Someday when I’m 90
She's that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes I only love her more
Yea she’s the one that id lay down my own life for

She’s everything that I ever wanted
And everything I need
When I talk about her I go on and on and on
Cause she is everything to me

Yea I know. It IS Country but its still really good

The Song that Is Stuck In My Head

2006-05-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

There's a lit cigarette in the hand of my new angel
she's blowing smoke like halos, and now everybody wants her
but I shouldn't even bother
because you made me so complete dear, but you left me so alone here
hang a noose for my new sinner somewhere everyone can see it

won't you beg me and then tell me how to love you
like anybody else would
I know you're risking failure (risking failure)
go run for cover (for how long)
you better start to love her so much you're moving on and on

now there's a whole wide world...that wants to know
have cheap hotels lost their turn-on? she's bathing in the neon
and she's polluting all the airways while I'm passed out in the hallway
and you left me so in love here, you left with so much hate dear
was I creating only chaos this world lives just fine without us won't you?

beg me and then tell me how to love you
like anybody else would
I know you're risking failure (risking failure)
go run for cover (for how long)
you better start love her so much you're moving on and on

will it change your life if I change my mind?
when she's lit the whole wide world I want to know if you will
beg me and then tell me how to love you like anybody else would I know you're risking failure, (risking failure) but I'd hope you set your levels (for how long)
so you can run for cover
you better start to love her
now are we this pathetic? you made me finally see it
(will it change your life when I change my mind, will it change your mind when I change my life)

go run for cover
you better start to love her so much you're moving on
I'm so pathetic, you made me finally see it
got what you want? I'm gone

for how long? for how long? for how long will it change your life?

Such a sweet song. You really have to Listen to it though.

Evan's Blue - Beg

6 days

2006-04-30T22:24:00.000-07:00

As of today there are 6 days until the tourney begins next saturday at the CNC gym and I dont feel ready at all. My basement is a disaster because of the flood we had last thursday so I dont have room to practice. Also they have fans that are blowing warm air 24/7 into the carpet so it smells really bad and I don't get much sleep. I think I might be getting a cold too. We'll see though.

I also hate when friends dont call me back. Stupid Ryan was supposed to come with my family for Christina's birthday dinner, but he didn't want to answer his phone all 13 times we called him, oh well.

I've been grumpy all day and I dont know why, maybe its because of the lack of sleep or maybe its because of other reasons I dunno. I think I need to go talk to my doctor again soon, I'm not thinking so clearly again. but anyway im dead tired and im feeling sick from all the Mento's I ate tonight. (yea i went out and bought mentos :P )

"So Busy, front side back side, so gross"

2006-04-26T15:35:00.000-07:00

Wow. I've been so busy lately. Saturday I saw Becca off on her way to kick ass at her auditions, really hope the judges see her talent and give her a place in their course.
I can't really remember what happened on sunday, but monday tuesday and today have been nuts.

I get up for work at 7am, im there by 8:30, we're working by 9:30, done by 5 or 6pm and then without going home I go straight to TKD and im there until 10:30, at which point I go home and eat something and im awake until 11:00 or later, this is nuts. my days have never been so long and busy. I guess I sort of know what it's like for becca, oh by the way Fuzzy I'm sorry for every time I got grumpy because you didnt have time, I kinda understand now.

Tonight I'm going to denny's to work from 4-10, and then getting up at 7am again tomorrow. ugg going to be exausted but oh well, Just waiting for those paycheques.

One More Stress Off My Shoulders

2006-04-20T23:04:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sure most of you know by now that I've had some problems in the recent past with my mental and emotional health and that I've been trying to fix the things that I feel were/are wrong with myself/my life.

On that note, I have news. I have a new job. I start monday. I can wither get paid for exactly 40 hours a week at $10.00 and hour or I can get paid hourly (that means some days I get paid for 5 hours some days 16 hours) also at $10.00 an hour.
I'm super happy, I no longer have to stress every pay day wondering if I'll have enough money to pay for my car and my insurrance, and still have enough left over for the $200 cell phone bill and the $77 TKD bill.
But now my first paychecque of the month pays for my car and insurrance and my second pays for the rest with some money left over, so maybe now I can actually start saving and replace the $4000 my dad left me that I wasted trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.

Also, tomorrow's TKD class which starts at 6:15 and runs till 7:15 IS MINE! I have the keys to the Dojang and also the key code for the alarm system, just if you're wondering its ****. HA! that was fun, but seriously I do have it, im excited, this will be my very first class that I'm teaching entirely by myself. I'm so nervous and scared, I can't wait.

Also, I have another day of Starwars marathon planned for tomorrow starting at 8:00 am in christina's computer room. woot for me. I think im going to bring a blanket and a foot rest because its uncomfortable sitting in a chair for 7 hours watching movies and not really moving much. Anyway I have a big busy nervous FUN shitty day planned for tomorrow so it's sleepy time, after a couple hours of World of Warcraft lol,

night bitches

Fucking Fuck Fuck Fuckitty Fuck-fuck Fucking FUCK!

2006-04-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

This sucks. I hate doing favors for my sister.

So I'm at Christina's house right now Hiding in her computer room because I can't survive anywhere else in the house. There are strange men here ripping up floors and exposing the biohasardus mould that was growing under the old floors. Just breathing out there is a challenge.

So Im in the computer room, pondering my fate, wondering what to do when I look down and see the Windows Media Player quick button, and I think to myself... does her computer have a DVD rom? and HELLZ FUCKING YES IT DOES!!!! so now armed with my knowledge of the dvd rom goodness I charge out into the living room and navigate my way through stacked couches, dining room tables, washers, dryers, fridges, and ovens (really it was only one of each of the last 5 tiems, but this sounds more dramatic, until i said that...) and I climb over my final obsticle in my journey to the entertainment center (the guys tool box), and I look inside at all the movie goodness, and guess what I have decided to do....

STAR WARS MOVIE MARATHON BY MYSELF STUCK IN A COMPUTER ROOM WITH 2 CATS AND NO FOOD! woot. I hate my sister, she owes me big time.

JU-ON

2006-04-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

Wow. I just read JU-ON the manga Becca got me for my B-Day. Holy frick it's creepy, the graphic ness of the death scenes.... at one point the daughter who has just been attacked by cat's comes home and is missing her jaw, so her mother snaps and starts to cut her up and cook her in a stu pot. when the father gets home all he see's is the top of his daughters head resting on the counter while his wife is cutting carrots and mixing them in with the stu. His wife then starts to chop up her own arm :S fucking sick book.

I love it

Why must time take so long...

2006-04-15T19:25:00.000-07:00

Wow. it's been 10 days since my last post. and she STILL HASN'T WATCHED IT! ***evil glare at Becca*** it's ok though, i know you are hella stupid crazy busy with your life so its koo, i know you'll get to it when you get to it. but anyway..

Thank you so much guys for my awesome b-day party. that was the first one I had really since my 18th bday, and before that I think it was my 15th or 14th was my last real bday party.

I love my Tea pot Jen, still havent used it cause im kinda scared (I'm man enough to admit that I am afraid of a tea pot) but i'll dig real deep and find enough balls to have some tea soon.

I love my candy food, and im beginning to accept the pony that I got from Becca, that you for yet another pony..... *evil glare*

My shirts own, though my mother doesn't like the "damned in flames" on the back of my FF shirt and i dont think she's too happy about the "Tell your mom I said thanks" either but oh well they are MY shirts.

I have discovered the reason why my sister has been very pissed of and bitchy lately... apparently when I told her that I was hanging out with friends on my birthday instead of going out to dinner with my family I forgot to mention that she was invited and that it was at my house :S oops, im sorry sister, my bad. I know you dont read this but at least I said it somewhere.

WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG FOR MAY 21st and 22nd TO COME!?!? I WANT MY OWN T-SHIRT AND KNIFE DAMN IT!

also I discovered the otherday that I sure do enjoy inflicting physical pain on random people :S sorry stan, and christina, and nadine, and ryan, and anyone else i'll run into in the next couple weeks. but self defence is just so much fun. Punched my instructor so hard on tuesday that I didnt get a chance to do the technique we were practicing because my shock made him let go anyway haha.

I'm rambling. my computer is ghey, I'm about to release some methane into my room. Stargate atlantis season 1 and some of 2 is almost done downloading. Nadine and I are on disk 5 on 5 for Stargate SG-1 Season 8 (she bought it for me for my birthday)

I HAVE A FULL SIZE BLENDER!!!!!

I'm terribly excited about that too, making myself a smoothie on tuesday before TKD and after, anyone wanna come fruit shopping with me? :D:D:D

wow i've typed a lot with not much to say, oh and becca.....

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PL4vdHOiMm4&search=ITF

Yes, I'm doing it again

2006-04-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

Yep I'm posting this again because certain people who's oppinion I want the most *Caugh becca* havent mentioned it it any way so please watch this and get back to me.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PL4vdHOiMm4&search=ITF

everyone else you can watch it again because its just that good.

Oh, and ever since I woke up this morning I've had something in my eye but I can't get it out. half a bottle of visene did nothing so im kinda annoyed and a tiny bit worried. oh well it should come out on it's own later

So Guess What I Did.

2006-04-04T23:54:00.000-07:00

The past couple days have been really really wierd. Since saturday after work I've slept far too much to be normal. Everything has been feeling heavy, and ive been thinking slow if that makes sence. It's so hard to keep my eyes open, and then randomly I stay out until 6am and stay awake until 10am, and then sleep for 4 hours and wake up again. I'm so confused, this is the wierdest weekend for sleep ever.

But anyway on to what I have done.

Tonight after dinner my mother and I sat down and updated my resume. Thats right folks. Phil is going to get a week day job. That'll mean I wont get to see many friends anymore but this not having enough money to pay the bills is starting to affect me. This means I'll be working 7 days a week and training for the upcoming tourney in the evenings monday to friday. I think I'm only going to have saturday and sunday evenings completely off. but I dunno, i'll have to see once I get a job and talk to Mr.Ottesen.

But now since I slept all day and its 11:58, I'm exausted and need more sleep? My god this is strange

Schedule

2006-03-30T17:43:00.000-08:00

Schedule of events in the next few months of my life.

May 5th, 2006: CTFI Umpire and Officials Training Course - Course that Certifies me upon completion to be an offical Umpire (Referee) During Competitions and Turnements in Canada.

May 6th, 2006: 2006 Northern BC Championships - Held in the Gym of the College of New Caledonia from 8:30am - Late in the afternoon. I will be competing at 8:30 in sparring and patterns, and possibly bkac belt board breaking and pre-arranged sparring.

May 20th-21st: Tactical Knife Course, Levels 1 and 2 - Theory of training and tactical application of folding knives.

May 27th-28th: 2006 Canadian National Championships - Held in Montreal, Quebec, there will be approx 500-600 athletes from across canada. I'm not sure If I want to go to this tourney yet, we'll see.

August 25th-27th: Master Tran Seminar - Master Tran, an 8th Dan (Degree) Black Belt will be coming to Prince George to teach a Seminar on Pattern & Fundamentals, Sparring & Competetion Training, Self Defence, Flexibility, Theory, and the meaning of "Do" in Tae Kwon-Do

Also, I don't know the date for sure yet but sometime next year I have the opportunity to travel to Jamaica and train with the Jamaican TKD team for the price of a plane ticket. The Jamaican Team has offered to Pay for Mr. Ottesen and any of his students to come down there. So excited.

Fucking Bull shit

2006-03-26T16:08:00.000-08:00

$927.ish sold tonight. and I made $25. fucking sweet.

Snow Patrol - Final Straw

2006-03-24T22:19:00.000-08:00

Yeay Becca you're my favorite person to ever give me this CD. Thanks! Been listening to it non-stop pretty much.

So next week is going to be interesting. Monday I go to talk to people to find out who I need to go to to help me thru this depression thingy. also Monday is the last day that I help teach TKD with Mr. Phillips. Thursday I ask Mr.O if I can take over teaching the Friday class. (its patterns only day). and thats pretty much my week. I've been thinking about updating my resume and applying pleaces so I can quit Denny's and work during the day during the week and do TKD during the evenings. and then have weekends OFF! like a normal person.

OMG a weekend off. that would be insane. I'd feel like a normal human being. I havent had weekends off since I started at Denny's 3 years ago. OMG 3 years... thats WAY too long.

Also WTF?? they fire Chris after all the extra work he's done for them and all the time he's put into tha place, but they keep Brandon after all the shit he's pulled... I dont get it. oh well. Chris's soul is finally free. Fly away Chris Fly! *Phil runs around his room flapping his arms*

Ok I'm kinda sick, I think I *may* have taken 1 too many sinus pills for this massive headache. I dunno tho. not too worried about it, I have a big body, lots of room for drugs to flow around safely. Also I'm kinda hungry, and very cold.

Going to play WoW now. I'm on Thunderlord as Horde. Playing with Dan is fun. (He was an ESSAY at the big D a while ago too. I miss working with Dan. He owns my face.)

Ok, bye

Is it worth this?

2006-03-20T03:43:00.000-08:00

Short answer no. Long answer yes.

It's now 4am and I can't sleep. I got home at about 2:30, read some blogs posted some messages, got to bed.. slept for maybe half an hour. If you can even call it sleep. then gave up and im not occupying my mind with WoW. This is horrible. I'm not even a little tired. I can't even make that camomile T dez gave me yesterday I'd wake up my mother and she has to work tomorrow at 8am. Sigh... Doctor appointment at 11:15 too. going to be exausted. Then oil changing with becca after 1pm. and after that I dont know. I wish I could hang out with that crazy wookie, I miss her so much but she is soooo busy.. front side back side... sooo gross. errr anyway she is crazy busy with school and Closer (which I cant wait to see) so I'll be patient and wait my turn.

On a side note... Everyone has AIDS! AIDS-AIDS-AIDS AIDS! hmm maybe thats what I'll watch. Team America: World Police... maybe not though. going to try for sleep again. and GO!

Oh how I love thee, Denny's

2006-03-20T02:29:00.000-08:00

Ok. I'm far to tired to thing properly so im just going to say. $170.00 this weekend. Including thursday. **Fucking sweet** This is so needed it's not even funny. Also I ended up working 12 hours today (Sunday) and selling 1184.00 yeay me. sold over 1000 2 days in a row, and I only had to work splits... fuck splits splits fucking suck. you work just long enough to be tired, then you get just enough time off to *start* to relax then you have to work till you get tired again. THEN you start at 8am the next day only getting 4 hours of sleep, then you get off at 3:30pm and THEN you start at 9pm again and dont get off until just after 2am.... ok i have no idea whats going on anymore and I can't lift my head all the way up and I honestly just drooled on myself. good night

Ow...

2006-03-17T13:42:00.000-08:00

My Ribs are so sore from the "Ice Hill of Death or at Least Injury" a.k.a. Rainbow Park, and I think I re-injured one of my leg muscles. It was just getting better too. I'd say what ahppened last night but I'm too lazy so go read this "http://dezdezdez.blogspot.com/" it's the post titled "Fuckin A" thanks for typing it for me Dez. Oh and I did win bowling. I had 116 and everyone else was under 100 :P pwned. (I wasnt really trying either haha)

Anyway time to go watch a movie with my sister. Ugh.. that means walking. god damn it.

Watch this NOW!

2006-03-16T13:59:00.000-08:00

Hey, I'm reposting this because I'm kinda annoyed that only two people commented about this... If you don't have half an hour to watch it.. do it before you go to bed. But please tell me what you think. (Thank you Jen and Cole, I really appreciate you two commenting)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PL4vdHOiMm4&search=ITF

NOW WATCH! :P

Oh No. I'm Scared :S

2006-03-15T18:39:00.000-08:00

Ok this totally sucks. I'm terrified....

The Bleach Anime series has been lisenced by VIZ Media, a san fransisco based Company. (the same company that Lisenced Naruto.)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

PLEASE dont ruin it by making a shitty translation and using shitty voice actors like you did to Naruto. please please please PLEASE!

Speachless

2006-03-13T01:17:00.000-08:00

I hope you have about half an hour to spare. This is well worth watching. If you want to know what I'm going to be like in 5-6 years... This WILL be me.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PL4vdHOiMm4&search=ITF

Songs that I sing at work to keep myself sane.

2006-03-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

The Song That Never Ends.

This is The song that never ends.
Yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people , started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it forever just because

This is the song that never ends
yes it goes on and on my friends
Some people , started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it forever just because

The Oscar Meyer Weiner Song.

Oh , I wish I were an oscar myer weiner.
That is what I truly wish to be,
For If I were an oscar myer weiner..
Everyone would be in love with me!

The Oscar Meyer Weiner song cont..

My bologna has a first name
It's O-S-C-A-R
My bologna has a sec-ond name
It's M-E-Y-E-R
I love to eat it every day and if you ask me why I'll saaaaay!
'Cuz Oscar Meyer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A!!

The Goldfish Jingle

Here's our, Jingle for goldfish
Our baked and not fried goldfish
The yummy snack that smiles back
until you bite their heads off

Oh you know they're made with real cheese
even though they look like fishes
the snack that smiles back goldfish!

And for a taste thats even braver
we'll blast them full of flavor for new
Fay-vor blasted goldfish!

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Lala kahle [Sleep well]

In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonight
In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonight

(Chorus) Imbube

Ingonyama ifile [The lion's in peace]
Ingonyama ilele [The lion sleeps]
Thula [Hush]

Near the village, the peaceful village
The lion sleeps tonight
Near the village, the peaceful village
The lion sleeps tonight

(Chorus)

Ingonyama ilele [The lion sleeps]

Hush, my darling, don't fear, my darling
The lion sleeps tonight
Hush, my darling, don't fear, my darling
The lion sleeps tonight

He, ha helelemama [He, ha helelemama]
Ohi'mbube [lion]

(Chorus)

Ixesha lifikile [Time has come]
Lala [Sleep]
Lala kahle [Sleep well]

Near the village, the peaceful village
The lion sleeps tonight
Near the village, the peaceful village
The lion sleeps tonight

(Chorus)

My little darling
Don't fear, my little darling
My little darling
Don't fear, my little darling

Ingonyama ilele [The lion sleeps]

How it Feels to be me.

2006-03-10T20:43:00.000-08:00

I've felt darkness
closing in on me
Chilling shadows
surrounding me
I've had the poison
leak into my skin
And it corroded
my heart away
Bled away
Cut away
Dark night of my soul...

Such a meaningful song

2006-03-10T20:33:00.000-08:00

Your not rrradat n nat n dapar radat n nat boonta boo strattateeca mmm dapar rrat da da techa mobilieta da tisha benta rrrrrach sa bo dimbolieta fake a bookbag rrrat sometimes in my rr a rrr rrata migma m dapar rrata sa what a hema da hinta boo rrata sema m dapar rrrah cha da hida moderayda no herr a sema mader a Nada dame URON!!
Twist
Twist
Twist
Twist

ooon day boo rrata migma mmm dapar rra sema maderaiy patun moderata a una paygay ner a gi na per rrrrraaa ha fa simpha ha hayna hayma hayna URON,

Twist
Twist
Twist

Hahahahaha. Whoops!

2006-03-06T22:09:00.000-08:00

I try to learn something new everyday. Being back in TKD and relearning everything makes this easy.

Today in TKD I learned a very good lesson.... Dodge or block. That was my lesson. Dodge or block.

The way I learned this lesson.... Mr.O kicked me in the side of the head so hard that I:

1. Am Very very sore.
2. Feel like I can't open my eye the whole way,
3. Got cut in a couple different places.
4. Bled from the afore mentioned cuts.

And the funniest part is. I THANKED HIM haha. I got a foot to the face and this is the conversation we had just after it happened

"OW!" - Me

"You ok?" - Him

"Ummm (feel my teeth to make sure they aren't loose) Yes sir." - Me

"Good, that'll teach to to keep your hands up." - Him

"Yes sir, thank-you sir." - Me

(Continue Sparring)

Went to denny's shortly afterward and used my glass of water as an Ice bag. Ate some food. and went back for another 2 hours. I love TKD. It keeps me happy. That and IBProfine

Hurray for Reachable Goals

2006-03-03T00:49:00.000-08:00

We all have something we want to quit doing. Smokers usually want to quit smoking. Gamblers usually want to quit gambling... heh gam-bling... Anyway I have my thing.

My goal is to quit forever and never look back. This seems impossible when I think of it like that. So what did I do? I decided to break it down a bit. Instead of quitting forever, I've decided to quit for a week at a time, once that week is up, I'll continue to quit for another week.

Guess what, it's been working out brilliantly. I've barely wanted to, and I don't think I will want to this week either. It's been 16 days without it and I'm very happy with myself.

Something else that has helped a lot... Being back in Tae Kwon-Do. Not only do I get away from it more often but at the start of every class we all repeat the student Oath, which involves repeating the tenets of Tae Kwon-Do. These are: Courtesy, Integrity, Perseverance, Self Control, Indomitable Spirit. These have helped SO much.

Not so much Courtesy but the rest definitely,

Integrity - To know right from wrong and if wrong, to have the conscience to feel guilt. (don't lie)

Perseverance - Patience leads to virtue and merit; keep trying. (don't give up)

Self Control - The stronger person is the person who wins over oneself rather than someone else.

Indomitable Spirit - Standing by ones convictions even against overwhelming odds. (once I make up my mind to do something, nothing and no one will stop me. Ever.)

As long as I keep those 4 things in my mind whenever I'm tempted, and how much it means to myself that I do this... I'll never have a problem again.

Don't ask, I wont tell. If you think you can persuade me to talk, see "Indomitable Spirit"

Oops, I over-did it again

2006-02-28T10:34:00.000-08:00

Heh, whoop's Practiced some TKD yeserday. Grabbed my black gloves so my hands wouldnt be skin vs punching bag. well that didnt work too good because now my knuckles have big red patches where i ripped skin off as i beat the shit out of the punching bag.

On the plus side though, I'm a whole lot less angry now, and the constant pain in my hands keeps reminding me why I'm no longer angry :D so happy.

Going early to TKD today to learn some self defence 1 on 1 with Mr.O. I'm going to learn so much since it's just him and me. My arms are going to be sooo sore lol.

Anyway time to go find something to do while the WoW servers are down. /cry /bored

Dedicated to....

2006-02-26T23:41:00.000-08:00

Myself. Because this is my blog, and I can. :P

Machines are paper thin, and they're welded with ink
Sealed inside a legal trap, so tight with a leak
A contract with the devil for a life of distain
Seeping in the limelight at attention, slave!

I blame myself

God, help me pour this gas on me
I need to drown in flames to be free
Help me pour this gas on me
Help me pour this gas on me

God help me pour this gas on me [x4]

Chocking on the product for the mass to consume
The flocks of mindless sheep that have been corporately groomed
Ignorance through apathy like drones in the hive
A slave on the trail, a willing conformed disguise

I blame myself

God, help me pour this gas on me
I need to drown in flames to be free
Help me pour this gas on me
Help me pour this gas on me

I sold my soul [x11]

God, help me pour this gas on me
I need to drown in flames to be free
Help me pour this gas on me
Help me pour, this gas on me

God help me pour this gas on me [x4]

Remember these are dedicated to myself. and only myself

I watch you tap the blood in my vein
My heart you feed on to keep you sustained
A parasite that leaves me cold and drained

I'm in shock and you leave me paralyzed
And the saddest part I realize
The absence of truth behind your eyes

I feel you tapping my soul from my vein
I feel you tapping again on my vein
I feel my life slipping away

One more drop of blood I spill
One more drop you take
One more drop and I will spite
And bite the hand that bleeds...

I see you have two faces turning
Changing face to keep me guessing
You have mastered the art of decieving

Now I know no one trusts you
Now I know not even you do
And I think, your salt in my wounds

Now I know no one trusts you
Now I know no one trust you
Now I know your salt in my wounds

One more drop of blood I spill
One more drop you take
One more drop and I will spite
And bite the hand that bleeds

Bite the hand that bleeds you

One more drop of blood I spill
One more drop you take
One more drop and I will spite
And bite the hand that bleeds

Bite the hand that bleeds you
You...

Lies are all that we hear
Death your undertones of fear
Lies are what causes fear
Death you and all that I hear

This in your eyes
So clear your eyes

Undercurrents
We cannot believe
Undercurrents
Slowly drowning me

Face me
Look in my eye
Hate me
I see through your mind
Face me
You still cannot
Hate me
Drowning in lies

Your lies can't hide
So clear your mind

Undercurrents
We cannot believe
Undercurrents
Slowly drowning me

Drown!

Haha!

Undercurrents
We cannot believe
Undercurrents
Slowly drowning me
Undercurrents
Slowly drowning me

Undercurrents
Slowly drowning me
Undercurrents
Slowly drowning me
Undercurrents
Slowly drowning me
Undercurrents
Slowly drowning

Discrimination
Your intention to scar me
Discrimination
Your a suspect penalty
I suffer!

Spiteful resolution
By your sentence we must fall
Spiteful resolution
Bitter thoughts destroy us all
We suffer!
Suffer!

Your final judgement stands
Made by your will
I never had a chance
I never will!

By your default judgement
Everyone has suffered
Your pointless judgement
Caused everyone to...suffer!
Suffer!

Your final judgement stands
Made by your will
I never had a chance
I never will!

Day in which god
Judged humankind [x6]
Mankind
Mankind

Your final judgement stands
Made by your will
I never had a chance
I never will!

Never [x8]

There is no future for us to suture
Your life ill fated, beat down and hated
Shot in the head, walking undead
Numb to the world, around your head
RIP my skin from my bones, I won't bleed
RIP my heart from my chest , I won't scream

Hide in the shadows, deep black, and hollow
Empty void of light cuts slean, like a knife
Damaged and torn, punctured by thorns
I've felt nothing since I was born
RIP my skin from my bones, I won't bleed
RIP my heart from my chest , I won't scream

My Flesh - Your Flesh
Your Eyes - My Sight
My Pain - Your Shame
We are the same...
RIP my skin from my bones, I won't bleed
RIP my heart from my chest , I won't scream
RIP my skin...

that's all for now.

WTF

2006-02-26T17:44:00.000-08:00

I'm an Idiot. That is all

Document1

2006-02-22T23:28:00.000-08:00

Such a stressful, but relaxing night. After tucking Becca into bed for a nap and leaving Mel and Eric at the mall I realize that im actually rather tired and dont feel like bowling, and also i checked the bank.. and I couldnt afford it even if i wanted to go. So I call Mel a couple times and leave a message explaining how im a poor bastard and cant come. and then I realize that I also dont really want to go watch a movie or do anything... other than sleep

but eventually Mel convinces me to coem watch a movie. which, because i took so long in going to watch it, I dont finish because I had a meeting with Mr. Otteson which is also rather stressful because I was going to ask about career advice and yeah.....

we talked from about 9pm until almost 11pm. with some interruptions here and there, and yea... Seriously consittering making Tae Kwon-Do, and more specifically Security work, my career. which would be so fricken sweet, since Mr.Otteson, as soon as he gets the papers, will be the ONLY lisenced Security Guard Trainer in the entire Northern British Columbia. I think the closest other school is in Vancouver but im not sure.

Security has always been a thought in the back of my mind, i've consittered the Police, i've had so many daydreams about being Becca's personal bodyguard after she becomes famous, and yea...

Also in a couple months with some REALLY hard work on my part I might become a paid Instructor for Freedom Tae kwon-Do school. meaning I will be teaching classes, and getting paid for it! WOOT! if that happens that will be the first time ever that I'll be getting paid for doing something I'd do for free because I love it that much. So sweet. I'm excited..

Well since this post has been so rapidly written and I'm super excited i could keep talking about it for hours but that would get to be a very long post and to avoid that im going to stop typing now

The Things I do for my friends....

2006-02-22T10:31:00.000-08:00

Ok, so after leaving Mel's house last night Ryan and I go for food at Denny's (omfg i eat there way too much no wonder why im still out of shape) and Mike comes up to me and asks if im working tomorrow (which is today, wednesday) and i say no, and he's like hmm thats wierd you're scheduled on the back 5pm-1am.

and then i realize that i took Dezzy's shift so she could go to Vancouver, and I forgot all about it, (even though she remineded me.... twice.) so i ask mike to work 8 days in a row and take my 5-1... obviously he sais no.

So then i wake up this morning after having dreams all night of running away from something. (at one point it turned into me buying a motor bike but they were all too small for me, and the motorbike that "would" have been big enough... turned out to be a piece of vynal siding that didnt have a motor (the vynal siding was the frame of the bike... wtf?)

anyway i wake up this morning and call denny's to see if i can get it switch. then after half an hour of calling around I owe 2 people favors, Tanja is working my 5-1 even though she got home last night from the same shift at 1:40am and got up for school at 7:30am... and I took her 3pm-8pm shift.

now I would have been ok with that because I still could have had my meeting with Mr.O, except that I remember my friends wanted to go bowling, and it was a big thing about them getting dinner on time too, so if i bailed that would suck... so I called Kyla, and now Kyla is working my 3pm-8pm.

So now I have the entire night off once more, and I owe Tanja and Kyla favors. Yeay me.

now it's 10:38... 39 and I'm cold so BACK TO BED! yeay!

Lessons I've learned

2006-02-20T22:52:00.000-08:00

1. If you were alone most of you life you dont realize how much it hurt until you have company.
2. Walls you build are much harder to tear down than they were to build up.
3. Light may be all warm and happy, but you cant hide.
4. Physical activity is so much harder when you dont eat anything for a day and a half. (dont try that at home, it sucks, you get all dizzy and you get a massive headache, and your eyes go bloodshot and your face feels like it's on fire)
5. You never know what you have until you lose it.
6. You realize afterward that what you meant, and how it came across, are two completely different things.
7. Lacking people and language skills because you have been on your own most of the time is a very bad thing when trying to explain what you meant in number 6.
8. No matter how bad you think it is, and no matter how much worse it gets, if you are still alive, that's all you need.
9. Think before you say something, because you can Never, Ever, take back your words
10. Sticks and Stone may break my bones, but those are only flesh wounds.
11. War is not cool, and never will be.
12. Life does not kick you while you down.
13. Nothing will change unless you try to change it.
14. You don't deserve anything, you earn it.
15. Trust is one of the most precious things a person can give you.
16. It is also very hard to earn back someone's trust once you break it.
17. Setting realistic short term goals, helps when trying to achive what you and others consitter "Imposible"
18. Changing a bad habit can improve more aspects of you life than you think it will.
19. Shadow Priests in World of Warcraft melt faces.
20. Dwarf Mounts, ie. Rams, are so cute.
21. When you promise to do something, do it. Even if it's taken so long that it no longer matters to anyone but yourself.
22. Nothing is more precious than the life of someone you love.
23. Knowing yourself and your own limit's saves you from a lot of physical and mental pain.
24. Happy music can sometimes make you more sad.
25. Feeling can hurt, but not feeling hurts more.

2006-02-15T11:31:00.000-08:00

What have I done?
Where have I come from?
When I burnt the backs with the sun through a glass did I seal
the loss that's become me?

Feeling undone
What have I become?
When I turned my back on you I turned my back on myself and
became this machine

Olive Grove's for everyone

2006-02-15T00:34:00.000-08:00

So I've been listening to An Olive Grove Facing the Sea by Snow Patrol again and holy crap its a beautiful song. no wonder why it reminds me of Becca every time i hear it. Anyway...

I'm so happy. I'm finally starting to remember my patterns. I'm working on the Red Belt pattern now. so hopefully this week i can get it down perfect. I've decided to start going to the Friday 6pm-7pm classes for patterns, so i can get very specific help from Mr. O and i can start looking like a Black Belt again. woot for me!

In money news today, I've dropped out of collage and am still probably going to owe about $70ish for my 1 course, apparently i was registered for 4 courses, 3 of which i wasnt actually elligble for but still had to pay tuition for *raises left eyebrow*, so that debt will jsut be cancled. Also my car is now insurred again and im only paying $211 per month. SOOOO much better than $318, which is what i was paying all last year. woot for 3 years safe driving after my accident. so happy about that.

In health new's talked to a councellor at the collage (while i was becoming the second collage dropout in my family) about my career choices and we somehow got on the topic of my Fathers death and other things and now sometime very soon im going to talk to my family doctor too! yeay for me. I might get to join the I'm crazy and need to take meds club. who knows... Come to think of it, the only thing that will change will be that I take meds.. im already CRAZY!!!

*stares into the faces of those reading this*

*keeps staring*

*keeps staring*

*Suddenly Lunges forward while making an "I'm going to eat your nose" face*

*goes back to staring*

*twitches*

*remember's that he's very hungry and goes to find food*

Busted

2006-02-07T15:59:00.000-08:00

So today Becca asks me if i want to go Jean Shopping with her. So I say I will...

Then about 15 minutes later becca flips to a page in her cosmo and one of the headlines....

"My girlfriend thinks I'm doing her a favor by going jean shopping with her - but I really go just to ogle her ass!"

Busted

Good day today. YEAY!

2006-02-05T15:20:00.000-08:00

Wow I had a great day today. Sold $500 at work and made $45. im so happy i can afford gas and have about 30 dollars left over for the week. which means i can go somewhere and get out of the house.... so some day this week we should go for coffee or lunch or sex or dinner or something. (By you i mean all my friends. yes even the sex part... mmm cole..... .... ..... mmm)

Now. lets see if i can get level 40 today too. cause then i get SHADOW FORM AND MY MOUNT!!!

LONG LIVE WORLD OF WARCRAFT!!! AND DWARF SHADOW PRIESTS!!! we own joo. k thx bye

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2006-01-29T23:32:00.000-08:00

Tips at Denny's were suprisingly good this weekend... worked Friday Latenight, Saturday Swing, and Sunday Swing, sold about $1400 for the whole weekend and made about $100 in tips... about.. too bad its all going to gas and to help pay off my 2 month late cell phone bill... UGG. oh and screw anyone who sais 7% sucks because honestly for ME I'm happy with 5%.

Ahh metaphors.

2006-01-28T22:30:00.000-08:00

Forsaken By Destiny
Forsaken By My Own Mind.
I Must Remove My Skin
To See Belief In Your Eyes!

Dreaming of Denny's

2006-01-28T15:11:00.000-08:00

So last night I worked 12-5 right? well that was ok, didnt make any money cause i had to borrow $15 for a float since i used all my change for bills and gas money... so yea i worked a good 5 and a half hours and ended up making 0 dollars. weeee.

Got home this morning at about 6-6:30. and went straight to bed. and woke up at 8am because i forgot to take table 19 their toast and they were mad. and then after that I was trying to cast arcane shot (from world of war craft) at table 24 and my pet (also from WoW) wasnt listening to me, and i woke up again.

The whole morning was spent trying to sleep without dreaming of working while playing WoW... I feel SOOO rested..... .... *cough*

Head feels wierd

2006-01-24T18:23:00.000-08:00

My head has been feeling wierd all day. It's like everything is thick and heavy and it's like all my sensory receptors are slow cause i see something on tv and it takes a second to realize what i just saw. I dunno. imma have a shower hopefully that clears things up a bit. and also ive been caughing a lot today and my lower abs hurt like crazy every time i do. I'm falling appart in my old age :S (im 20 almost 21).

Oh and on a side note. my family hasn't seen my cat since last night. i hope he's ok. I'll miss him terribly if he's gone.

I have decided

2006-01-20T01:41:00.000-08:00

Slipknot - Vermillion pt 2. is my current favorite song. Please download it. It's so sad, and loving at the same time. It makes me want to... I dont know, but it moves me.

I wont let this build up inside of me.
She isn't real, I can't make her real.

Slipknot

2006-01-19T01:15:00.000-08:00

Vermillion

She seems dressed in all the rings
Of past fatalaties
So fragile yet so devious
She continues to see
Climatic hands that press
Her temples and my chest
Enter the night that she came home
Forever

Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)

She is everything and more
The solemn hypnotic
My Dahlia, bathed in posession
She is someone to me

I get nervous, perverse when I see her it's worse
But the stress is astounding
It's now or never she's coming home
Forever

Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)

Hard to say what caught my attention fixed and crazy,
Aphid Attraction
Carve my name in my face, to recognize
Such a pheromone cult to terrorize

I won't let this build up inside of me(x8)

(Yeah!)

I'm a slave, and I am a master
No restraints and, unchecked collectors
I exist through my need, to self-oblige
She is something in me, that I despise

I won't let this build up inside of me(x8)

SHE ISN'T REAL!
SHE ISN'T REAL!
I CAN'T MAKE HER REAL!
SHE ISN'T REAL!
I CAN'T MAKE HER REAL
(She isn't real, I can't make her real)
(She isn't real, I can't make her real)

Vermillion part 2

She seemed dressed in all of me
Stretched across my shame
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
(x 3)

I catch in my throat
Choke
Torn into pieces
I won't......no
I don't want to be this

But I won't let this build up inside of me
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I won't let this build up inside of me
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I won't let this build up inside of me
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I won't let this build up inside of me
(won't let this build up inside of me......won't let this build up inside of me)

She isn't real
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I can't make her real
(won't let this build up inside of me)
She isn't real
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I can't make her real
(won't let this build up inside of me)

Download both these songs. They're extremely good

Fear Factory

2006-01-15T20:50:00.000-08:00

Resurrection

Consumed with memories that preceded today
Given a chance to bereave life that's slipping away

Suffered through tragedy of my slow decay
Deceptive tendencies dragged my soul away

All that I know there was no God for me
Force that shatters all, absence of mortality

Revive all my fears
Revive wasted tears
Revive void within
Revive once again...
Again... Again... Again... Again...
AGAIN!

Forsaken by destiny, forsaken by my own mind
I must remove my skin to see belief in your eyes

All that I know there was no God for me
Force that shatters all, absence of mortality

Revive all my fears
Revive wasted tears
Revive void within
Revive once again. . .

Revive all my fears
Revive wasted tears
Revive void within
Revive once again. . .
Again... Again... Again...

Reach for the sky
Touch the sky
Revive a hope
For mankind

Human Shields

So much violence in our name
A life, a silence masked in shame

Children running in the streets (streets)
Soldier boots are on their feet (feet)
Mothers bare the burdens of our defeats (defeat)
Fathers are on their knees praying for mercy (Mercy)

So much violence in our name
Holding me like your shield
Holding me like your shield

So much violence in our name
A life, A SILENCE MASKED IN SHAME!!

No more, no more, no more (no more)
No more, no more, no more (no more)
No more, no more, no more (no more)
No more, no more, no more

Holding me like your shield
Holding me like your shield
Holding me like your shield
Holding me like your shield

No more violence in our name
No more violence in our name!

No more, no more, no more

Fuck my cell phone

2006-01-15T00:40:00.000-08:00

that is all

Gonna Get Into Shape Again WOOOOOT!!!

2006-01-10T23:43:00.000-08:00

Hellz Yes. Going back to Tae Kwon-Do finally. Time to get off my lazy ass and do something with my time/life. I love it. I have classes most of the morning every day, cept tuesday and thursday. and then after school i have about 3-5 hours (depending on the day) to myself and my homework and then OFF TO TAE KWON-DO WOOT!! I cant wait. im so pumped. I dont want to wait for thursday.. (I could technically go tomorrow but its breaking and I want to wait a week before i start that again) I'm going to be SO fricken sore it's going to hurt more than anything (physically) that I can remember. I cant wait. so excited

Going to try to sleep now, but too excited. I dont want to wait a whole day. Maybe I can get ryan to come over (he signed up with me too) and we can start practicing and I can start remembering.

Peace out home dogs. and watch the fuck out for me. Imma be a ninja in 6 months... J/K one kick to the nuts and I'll be done...

Lol I said peace out home dogs....

On The Lookout

2006-01-07T16:40:00.000-08:00

Ok, I need more music. 415 songs most of them angry arent enough. I need more angry music plz. just post the band and your favorite songs. i'll make sure i get the songs and i'll DL everything i can from the band too. k thx. btw stan i love your ass it's nice. k bye

Yeay for Denny's!

2006-01-06T16:07:00.000-08:00

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

Ever since I was a tiny boy
I don't want no candy
I don't need toy
I took a stick and an old coffee can
I bang on that thing 'til I got
Blisters on my hand
Because...

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

When I get older they think I'm a fool
The teacher told me I should stay after school
She caught me pounding on the desk with my hands
But my licks were so hot
I made the teacher want to dance
And that's why...

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

Listen to this
Every day when I get home from work
I feel so frustrated
the boss is a jerk
And I get my sticks and go out to the shed
And i pound on that drum like it was the boss's head
Because..

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

I CAN BANG ON THAT DRUM
HEY, YOU WANT TO A BANG AT IT?
i CAN DO THIS ALL DAY